The Greatest Place on Earth

Sup son. Coming at you from 1-800-DR-CHIBA, this is Dr. Chiba. How have y'all been? It's getting hot hot hot and the ladies with big guts are wearing cut-off shirts and it's gross. Makes me cringe. But perhaps I shouldn't be talking since I too have been gorging lately, mostly on peanuts. I can't stop thinking about The 7 Wonders. Does anyone want to converse about them? If you do, big ups and respec. Oh one more thing. ODB is back from his iron vacation and has changed his name to Dirt McGirt. Maybe he thinks if he changes his name the po-lice won't be able to catch him, Leonardo DiCaprio style in Catch Me If You Can. Tell me if you see any spelling or grave grammatical errors I've already edited this twice.


I don't know what my obsession with taking pictures of barf is, but another jackass or possibly the same one barfed in the hall again. What kind of sucker can't even make it to a garbage can, sink or the bathroom?

We stunned. Very hard. We went to The Matrix: Reloaded on Saturday (came out on Thursday) and there was a huge line outside the theater. We went in saying we had to use the bathroom, then posted for an hour playing video games. We got great seats and waited in no line. Hats off to Stricker for thinking of this. Now that I think about it, it wasn't all that stunner because this movie was horrible. I want the 3 hours of my life back.

In the 3rd floor Bannan Men's bathroom there is a lot of writing in between the tiles, on the grout. Let's take a closer look.

Some genius played on words and wrote down his thoughts, like Oscar the Grout, Grout Expectations, Alexander the Grout, Groutful Dead, and so on. Can you think of any more?

On your birthday you're supposed to get streamers and posters on your door, but apparently I'm not well liked.

What kind of fuck can't spell "Attention?" I wonder if the person who made the poster feels retarded.

I don't really recall how this happened, but a friendly banter turned into a $20 basketball game between Huens and NRod. Huens won, GBGH- go big or go home.

Here is the studious Dr. working on his Economics presentation in the freezing computer lab. However it feels pretty good when you first walk in because the outside is so hot. I told the person working the desk that I wanted to hang out there and she gave me a funny look. I guess it's not socially acceptable to "hang out" in compooter labs.

This is the first time I've seen a live fly trapped in a spider's web.

VEGAS. This was the biggest coin toss of my life- who drives the 1000+ miles to Las Vegas and back. Cohen called heads, and fate dealt me a bad hand.

So here we go.

Denny's was our main staple and it was really gross.

The desert gets ridiculously hot. Jake thinking he was smart adamantly argued that the temperature would not exceed 105.

As we can see, he was clearly in the wrong.

We saw some horrible accidents. The first one was on the 101S where a car was flipped over and there were 3 baby seats outside the car. This one was on I-15N which backed up traffic for miles.

When we weren't listening to hours and hours of A*Teens (since I only brought 3 CDs and played them over and over) we watched some movies. Here's the 8 Mile, a fabulous movie. Whoever takes care of the A*Teens should perhaps have looked into websites, since is a porn site not suitable for children.

We stayed at The Boardwalk since 1. we didn't have $549/night to stay at The Venetian and 2. everything else was booked- Memorial Day weekend. I thought it'd be a lot more ghetto than this. Actually the HQ turned out nicely.

Here's the view from our room- we can see Paris, The Venetian and Aladdin.

Outside The Bellagio. Don't worry, we'll come back later after a bit of the gambling and drinking, two great vices.

What a proud hotel.

Miguel was staying at The Bellagio and he was kind enough to invite us over to the suite.

What a stunner, stunner view.

Fantastic room, this large living room, a bedroom with a TV at the foot of the bed, and 2.5 bathrooms- the "powder room" for the guests, and his and hers bathrooms connected to the bedroom.

The girl who's room this was was kind enough to let us get some drinks. A $240 bottle of Cristal, 24 $5 Bud Lights and a $65 1/5 of Jack Daniel's. I don't think it gets any better than this- Cristal and Bud Light, the drink of Olympic champions.

Jake with the Cristal.

People really do enjoy posing with Cristal.

Yours truly with the girl who I guarantee thought we were complete jackasses/assholes by the end of the night or perhaps after 5 minutes. Don't you love how pants tent up.

And so around it goes.

Where's the bottle BEE-YOCH!?

Cohen got totally shit-faced, and we can see the effects below.

Cohen is one of the biggest homophobes and he was talking about sleeping on the floor, which also suited me since I don't like sharing a bed with other dudes. When I came back from gambling at 4am Cohen was already passed out on the bed. We had decided earlier that I was to get the bed since I drove and organized the whole thing, so like a true ass I pushed him off and got in. To my utter surprise he hops in with me and I was like what the fuck. So I needed some blackmail for when he goes into politics.

Ah The Venetian.

While you're walking on the strip you get handed all sorts of things by gangsters on the street. It reminded me of Tokyo. We really wanted to get strippers but had no money. I was holding these in the elevator at HQ where Cohen, two 35 year old guys and a mother and daughter were also going up. I told the two guys I was getting strippers, and they stared and me and shook their heads. For some reason I found that hilarious and broke out laughing. The mother and daughter were all confused and didn't know what to do. When you can amuse yourself that much, it means one of two things- 1. you are one of the greatest people ever, or 2. you are autistic.

You can't see it but I was trying to get the Luxor light. People say that you can see the light from space, but I feel that is a farce since there is no mention of that on The Luxor website. And that would be something to brag about.

Here is the jubliant Dr. I had won all my money back and was up by $10 at The Sahara. I won $170 in a short period of time. Stricker was also up. Cohen was down down down. And notice- we're drinking on the street, with impunity. Nevada has open container laws but they are not enforced, so you see many a people walking around with drinks, even at 8am!

Circus Circus is fuckin' ghetto. And their blackjack only pays 6/5.

Have you ever seen a Subway that sells beer?

You aren't allowed to take pictures on the casino floor so we took this Shinobi style with my camera phone. This is the Boardwalk casino, where much was won and lost.

At the end of the trip this is how light my wallet was. However I am content since the trip was fucking fun. I had borrowed $50 from Cohen and $25 from Stricker, but the last day I won it all back in a little over an hour. I hate borrowing/lending money, so I felt compelled to pay them as quickly as possible. And drawing from my credit card would be stupid- they were going to charge me exorbitant interest. And interest is for suckers. At least if you're on the borrowing end.

This is my foot. My nail was so long it cut into my other toe I was afraid I was going to get an infection and die.

Not finishing drinks means you suck. And that night, I did suck.

Bye Bye Vegas I love you.

Off in the distance we can see The Palms. The Hilton sisters were there and some girls at a casino we were at showed us pictures. God I want to corner with the Hilton sisters that would be awesome.

This monkey thought he could be player play driving on the side of the road until he hit a pole just to stop people like him. Actually they probably serve some other purpose because the po-lice might need to use the shoulder.

Cohen thought it'd be funny to pose in front of the car. Look at movie star Cohen with his sunglasses he goes into Denny's with them on like he's P. Diddy. Actually P. Diddy would probably never step foot in a Denny's since that would "cramp" his style.

Highway rest-stops are called tea rooms. Gay men go there to have anonymous sex. On 280 near the statue in Burlingame there is a sign outside the rest-stop saying that law enforcement officers are in plain clothing pretending to be civilians, DO NOT HAVE GAY SEX or you will be prosecuted. I guess it's that big of a problem. Remember when we discussed it in Ethics class?

Bored, someone came up with the idea to match the speed of the car to the outside ambient temperature.

I was too late on the picture taking, since we had accelerated past 96.

Piggies! They were so gross. I felt really bad about myself because the previous night/early morning I had gorged on bacon and sausage at the 24 surf buffet at HQ.

We were in stop and go traffic for 3 hours.

Cohen has an obsession with rattlesnakes, and tried to find one.

Fucking bugs make my car disgusting. "NO NO," Mr. Zucca would yell, "ALL BUGS ARE INSECTS BUT NOT ALL INSECTS ARE BUGS!" Remember when he made Rebecca Lee write lines of that?

I gotta get this shit cleaned.

That's when we finally made it back. We left at 1:30pm, almost a 12 hour car ride.

Here is an exhausted Dr. Chiba. Good night and respec.



May 27, 2003

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