See, I can lie to you and tell you whimsical stories filled with leprechauns, sugar plum fairies and Santa, however the following pictures are fact. Like 1+1=2. The Diary of Baron Chiba. You have no idea.
By the way, I am starting to get tired of the title of Dr. You can now either call me Lord Chiba or the Marquis.
My first time playing beirut. Me and Huens vs. Taft and Andy. Our formidable opponents beat us. And we were doing this with Miller High Life, the "champagne of beers." It was extremely gross, I won't lie.
So "experts" say that drinking alcohol curbs one's ability to react. This was readily apparent to one Dr. Chiba when he was playing Kirby and couldn't draw faster than King DeDe, something that is laughably easy for a gaming pro like the Dr. when sober.
Have you seen that MTV show with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey? So they're posting on the couch watching telly eating dinner when Jessica says, "So is this chicken or tuna? I know it's fish, but the package said it's chicken. I don't get it." Nick was thinking, "Oh Lord. If you weren't so ridiculously beautiful I don't know what I'd do." But he answered, "Well, a lot of people eat tuna. A lot of people eat chicken. So it's the 'chicken of the sea.'" Then on another show she thought that buffalo wings came from buffalos. Holy moly.
One night I'm cornering on the porch drinking a beer when I notice that the FUCKING TREE IS ON FIRE.
I run in and grab everyone at Ice, and we go out for a look-see. A crowd was forming...
I won't lie, this fire was intense. Who has the balls to light a palm tree on fire?
Mr. Andy and Catie, admiring the fine arson that went down. Afterwards Andy was like "Dammit I loved the unity that was there. We should light something on fire." Woohoo! Going to jail for arson!
The folks at Ice plus a few other gangsters.
A bit later, when the crowd dispersed.
The crowd will disperse, but the po-lice and FD will still be going strong.
Obviously the SC fire department came. See, this event was the most exciting thing that has happened in SC in 57 years (when one mysterious Dr. Chiba, XIII took SC by force and held it captive for a few days until defeated by The Man) and everyone came out and watched, yelling "SC FD! SC FD! SC FD! WOOHOO!" It was exciting, but then I realized that in the scheme of things this really isn't that cool, and it made me sad. I love you **. Look at the crowd across the street in "the cuts."
On the front lines, you can feel the heat.
Erin thought that this shirt would fit me well, so I had to buy it.
Huens has turned over a new leaf. Instead of drinking Saturday night, he studied at the library, becoming "that guy" at the library. But alas, they closed at 10:00pm and he back. And stayed sober for the entire night. Props.
I did it. I got it. This girl looks exactly like Soraya Van Dillen. Taft, Ferd and I were arguing about who was going to take the picture, but I grabbed life by its balls and axed her myself. Alcohol demolishes my natural shyness and inhibitions and allowed me to say and do whatever I want. However, Huens says that I have developed some social skills, for I am much more reserved in the things I say to people. Which is a good thing, because I hear I am quite rude.
I think we should've skipped the keg. The next three pictures I don't remember taking.
Here we go, Ferd, Leland, Katie, Lindsey and Mr. Ben Taft.
Bunny ears are soooo fifth grade, but it's still fun to do. And the late night was closed at 2am.
I come home one day to see this on my mirror located on my desk. Andrew is my roommate. Still, I was confused.
Then I saw this, my pride and joy, on another man's desk. It was a joke, instigated by one Ben Taft. Some people have too much time on their hands... which is kinda haughty coming from Lord Chiba since The House is extremely time consuming.
We had a Lacrosse mixer at Ice, and I've heard Brad's party trick is to pour beer on himself. Perhaps it's not a party trick; it's just that he gets that drunk. So he comes to the bar and he's already wet. I missed it, so he let me pour beer on him.
Then he goes and accosts girls. This here is Erin.
Reeking of beer, he goes and talks to people, thinking he smells just fine. Notice Erin lying on the ground, a defeated girl.
I had to add this because you can really see how wet he is.
Late night Benson. So the dude working took a liking to my charming personality and gave me a slice of cheese pizza for free. Thinking they were as clever as the Marquis aka Lord Chiba, Jenna and Jaclyn went up and tried to get free food, without success. But seriously, I wish I hadn't ate all this because I'm losing my girlish figure. And it makes me real sad. By the way, the fries are seasoned with nacho cheese poured on top. Then I added a liberal amount of hot sauce and the whole plate of chopped onions that were there for everyone's use. Greedy, selfish Duke of Chiba.
Here's a PSA. Do not drive on Sand Hill Road at 3:30 on weekdays. It took me 20 minutes from Stanford Shopping Center to the end of Oak Creek Apartments. Another street to avoid at this time- the 101. North or South. You can thank me later.
We were going to go jetskiing and I was extremely excited. Then Ben called the lake and they were at capacity. FUCK!
The Pike's had a 70's mixer with the DG's. Here is the Marquis in contemporary clothing, surrounded by sequins and pleather.
Um yeah, pull your pants up, mmmkay? It was even worse when she was sitting down.
From the Ripley's archive comes this picture. This was the Econ group that stunned an "A" on our project last year, partly due to this picture right here that was in our PowerPoint. At first, I wanted pictures of our faces to be backgrounds on individual slides, however that idea was shot down and I settled for this.
So we had an Econ group reunion, sans Selina. I'm actually on the phone with Mr. Dan Abbe, I am not just trying to look cool. And why is Emily sitting like that?
4 of the 26 kids from high school that were at SC this night. Here I is holding down Ice with M&M, Colleen Coen aka the other C Squared and Mr. Matt Tarantino of Quentin Tarantino fame. I won't lie... I look spectacularly homosexual in this pic. Oh well.
Did C Squared go to the party or does he normally dress like this?
Axe yourself this question, "Why do dogs like to stick their heads out the windows of moving vehicles, yet don't like when you blow in their faces?"
A day party. I had forgotten how hard it is to get beer at one of these things so I had run back to the house and get some beer for the Marquis. By the way this party was great they had these white rappers come and rap, with Erin dancing on stage. She is in the red.
These two act like newlyweds.
I have it planned out. I am going to become ordained and marry these two on March 5, 2005. After a hot, hot hot honeymoon in Fremont, they will settle in Menlo Park, the greatest town in the world. Menlo Park, CA not Menlo Park, NJ, home of Thomas Edison and his light bulb fetishes. They will have 2 kids, a boy and a girl, with a dog named the Honorable Admiral Kim Smouter, HAKS for short. Now I just have to get these two to agree on it too...
OK I've realized that there are many many pictures of Ben Taft on The House. Perhaps I'll make a "Ben Taft" section. Two things. 1. I haven't gotten so many compliments on my drink of choice in, well, forever! 2. My camera started wigging out and it would only let me take about half my shots. I won't lie I missed primo photo opportunities. Furious at Sony, I called all the local electronics stores and tried to find one that sold the new U30. No luck. Fuck you Fry's Electronics, you let me down.
We had a party after. The cops came. And yes, my theory is going strong. Here's Huens with his harem of Meredith, Catie and Meredith's little sister.
Holy fucking shit. It is Mezz, and Walt! Mezz was the missing link to the Original 6 picture. Fucking Mezz...
I don't know how Erin is still awake after being exceedingly belig at the day party.
Phillipe aka Prince William said the funniest shit I've heard all week. It was a had to be there kind of thing, but I will repeat it because it was pure genius. "Hey McNulty I'm hella rich."
I haven't eaten meat since that whole Las Vegas pig incident in May. But I broke down 4 months later. Cluck U, you are too good.
One of the reasons I don't like having parties at the house is people fuck with your car. This time someone had the brazen boldness to stick his gum on KatyAnn. And beer was spilled in various places. Well I guess at least it was an excuse to wash my car since it was getting digusting.
I noticed today that I look in the rear view mirror almost as much as I look forward through the windshield. I'm extremely frightened of the police coming up behind me and ticketing Lord Chiba. Well this is it for now, au revoir!
October 19, 2003