Hi And Goodbye

Hi Conor Curtis aka C Squared, goodbye Ice House. Hi SC homies, goodbye Menlo homies, namely Mr. S. Richard Burkholder, T. Williams Merendino and E. Samuel Nelson. Have fun. Doesn't 2004 seem like the future? By that I mean when watching those futuristic movies when I was a kid, I imagined 2004 to be very far into the future. And now here we are. Well I don't have much to say here, except Hi And Goodbye is also a song.


This girl was all over Frankie, but it was Charles who wanted a piece. A sad, sad tale of Canterbury. Bryce and I were paper bagging her all night and finally at the end in exasperation she blurts out, "Am I that ugly!?"

Ferd was being a bird and not drinking and going to bed at midnight. So we rustled him out of bed like the Gestapo and gave him a full, open beer to drink. He throws it down on the floor, exclaims, "Someone farted!" and dashes into his room, locking the door behind him.

But being clever locksmiths, we barge into the room again, willing our friend Ferd to drink some water. Mixed with barley, rice, hops and yeast.

Then asshole Ben comes with Tostitos and they get into a little gay man fight.

As one can imagine, having chips all over one's bed is not conducive to sleep and Ferd was angry. Did we leave him alone after that? Nope...

Droppin' it like it's hot.

It's cool when some girl that nobody knows passes out on your couch.

We were bored one night and decided to have a garlic eating contest. This was after we made a shit load of garlic fries.

The challengers. Burkholder (yes he's back from Sweden), Harvard Boy Willie and The Marquis.

Done... or are we? So this wasn't much of a contest because we didn't make enough. We ate enough to make us smell extremely bad but not enough to bring glory upon any of us.

Emmett decides he likes garlic flavored butter.

As does Willie.

Now we're done!

I ordered a part for my Bose Aviation headset in late August 2003 and they kept on pushing the ship date back further and further until right before Christmas they sent me a free pair of QuietComfort Noise Cancelling headphones with a letter stating I should receive my part in March 2004. I won't lie, this was a very nice gesture and I eBay'd the suckers. Basically Bose paid me $25 and 7 months of waiting to get their new upgrade. Oh well...

EMac was driving us to Palo Alto in her Jeep when I opened the glove compartment. Jesus H! You call this a glove compartment?! Isn't the US all about "bigger being better?"

After getting a slice (or 3) at Pizza My Heart, Burkholder and I decided to urinate in the alley for old times' sake. And you know it, as soon as I start pissin Burkholder yells, "Cops!" And sure enough a cop was backing up to fine us $2000. I won't lie I kinda pissed myself running away and taking refuge in a nearby bar.


I had a party at Ice one night, and though the numbers were small, the people were random. Nate Kitada? Kelly Rogal? Yes you read right Kelly Rogal came to our party it was intense.

Jackets seemed to be the fashionable item of the night, with Bryan, Alan and Brian Baker sporting them.

Of course, the token picture with Urn.

Why does Lisette look like she's crying? Burkholder, no means no. No touch.

Well lookie here Jason's hair has some semblance of normality.

What can I say about Jake besides the salt shaker story? Well you've all probably heard me tell it but here I will go ahead and publish it. So Jake and I were coming back from Tahoe with his moms and we stop at Baker's Square for a slice of pie. Thinking he was clever, he put water in the salt shaker, thereby ruining said salt. His mother was furious and made him apologize to the manager. Needless to say, the whole ride back was -=silence=-. Awkward...

I thought I played another game but didn't remember it. Here's photographic proof. I really wish I had a video camera mounted in my eye so I can remember what was said and done.

Holla! When Huens isn't around I choose Burkholder as my partner. Why the &(!# are some of my pictures blurry?

Well the cops came just when we raised enough money to get another keg. We think it was Training Day for the new cop. Looking back, I should've taken A LOT more pictures. And look at my eyes- it's like Jesus put His soul into them.

Some people hid in their cars or walked around for a bit then came back to drink some more. Here I is taking a picture like Napoleon Bonaparte with my hand in my shirt.

I wake up in the morning to find Eben sleeping on our couch.

And apparently he had puked off the balcony.

And been pooned. I've only drank with this guy a few times but each time he seems to get pooned. Who did it this time? I won't lie I wish I had been there but I was in locked in my room, passed out.

Eben kinda hosed off his puke but just moved it two feet. So I had to clean up for him.

In the morning as we were cleaning up Ben's cousin asked if I had showered and gotten ready already. No, I'd just slept in my clothes. Can you believe it- BEN TAFT IS NOT PICTURED. I must be losing my invisible touch.

OK New Year's 2003. Pizza My Heart with a lot of drinking, then off to the city like last year. As we were eating I stated that you cannot find me one person in the free world who doesn't like pizza. Perhaps in the caged world, but not the free world. Then these bitches started to argue with me about it even though I'm clearly right so I punched them in the face and burned their houses down. By the way, if you think about it, if you fall down a neverending hole you'll die of thirst.

Here we go. Don't I look a little chubby? I have the beer belt on along with a liter of water and three beers in my pockets. At first I was carrying 6 extras in the pockets but my jacket wouldn't close.

Reluctantly, at the last minute Ted decides to grace us with his presence. If only you could be so lucky.

Why is Burkholder drinking wine to get drunk? That's just bad bad decision making right there. He went ahead and yacked at like 10.

Emmett sipping beer out of his CamelBak. Don't do it- the beer gets all flat and gross.

Burkholder and I found a nice place in the bushes to sit and have a beer. Cops were all over the Embarcadero. And no we did not make out and have gay sex.

Where everything comes together- Chevy's in Embarcadero center. New Year's 2002, A Walk To Remember, and now New Year's 2003. You treat us well Chevy's. You treat us well.

I'm a sly sly fox so I put home brought beer into my empty margarita glass. I isn't paying no $5/beer.

These girls were at the table behind us doing magic tricks with a knife and napkin. We were just observing quietly at our table and they apparently noticed because these 12 year olds came and performed many more magic tricks, some improperly delivered. Oh well, at least they're not hooking.

Open container laws? Fuck that... Even though just a few pictures up we were hiding in the bushes to drink. Haha.

Do you see her?

Well this lady was Burkholder's New Year's kiss. Who was yours? Anyway they didn't have a countdown or anything and while I was busy drunk dialing everyone, fireworks appeared out of nowhere like the Cheshire Cat in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland where Alice was introducing her friend the Cheshire Cat to the King and he says I don't like the looks of it but it can kiss my hand if it likes. I drunk dialed like a motherfucker this night please take the phone away from me when I go this big I don't want to make a fool out of myself.

It was beautiful. At midnight it started to sprinkle.

I was invited to a New Year's party with some high school geezers and I got shit lost walking around in the rain it sucked I won't lie. But all that hard work turns to nothingness when I see this pretty face smiling, radiating warmth and love to my soaking wet soul.

Claire is a fan of Emotion Eric. How many faces can you make?

Drinking the imported beer who do you think you are Dr. Chiba, The Marquis of Oxenford? Well yes, yes I do think that I'm the Marquis of Oxenford. Look at Briggs' face that is priceless and that's not acting folks. That is a pure, unadulterated, drunk-as-fuck HOLLA face!

I really don't remember much but from the picture I assume that Briggs was spooning with Diana, and Dante got pushed off. But fueled by jealous rage, he's back with a vengence in Dante's Inferno II: The Stallion Strikes Back.

The reason I'm including this picture on The House is curiosity. Why is my jacket back on?

Tom and I were taking pulls of vodka probably because there was no more beer. Looking back, that probably wasn't the best idea since I felt like dying the next morning. Oh well I couldn't go home so I went fucking huge.

Why is Tom covering his eyes? Does he think if he can't see you, you can't see him? And oh la la is Claire a model now?

What a nice looking group of kids. This photo is like a press photo for a new band or something, a la the A*Teens.

I won't lie, piggy faces is going to be the next big thing to do when taking pictures. You heard it here first.

But then again peacing isn't so bad.

After trudging to the BART station wanting to die, I was presented with a puzzle. One can buy a BART ticket with a credit card, but it automatically takes $20 for a $4 ticket. That's not economically smart. So thank God I had cash on me. And it only gives you $4.95 change. Why not $5? There are all these complex rules and such for BART and I got confused so I employed the services of Hannah. Fun tip: The Bechtels built BART.

Briggs and I were each going to give $50 to Tom to finish the rest of that vodka as we were standing around. Sadly, he did not rise up to the challenge, did not go big, and went inside to his home.

What is it about fried chicken that cures hangovers? Since Cluck U wasn't available, we settled for the next best thing- KFC. And I tried the popcorn chicken for the first time, and ate one piece. I don't really like the idea of eating small pieces of fried chicken the thought is lewd.

Jason's mother is amazing. She decorates with the ferociousness of 100 Queer Eye for the Straight Guy decorators, Thom Filicia. And for every occasion and season.

Jason had a sort of Rose Bowl party (Go USC!) and his ma laid out a buffet fit for royalty. It was great.

This marks the first time I've driven somewhere from a place with power (my house) to a house that has no power (Emmett's cabin). It wasn't that bad though, they had a lot of candles going and it was the most lit up house I've ever seen. But playing pool in the dark kinda sucks to tell you the truth.

Then Ted looks out the window and sees a house down the hill with power. Do they have a generator? Nope we're just fucking stupid and didn't realize that the power had come back on while we were playing pool.

First day of skiing Emmett and Ted were jumping cliffs and the E. Train landed badly, ending in a third degree sprain. It turned purple, and we were all, "It's purple, it's purple!" And then his sister started saying it, and I almost died. If you knew the reason why, you'd laugh too. Hint- It has to do with a certain people and a certain body part.

Burkholder's family eats more beans than any other white family in America. Every time I've gone to his house for the dinner, they've had beans. Here his father made some delicious bean salsa. Not only is he a great dentist, but he is a fine chef as well like Emeril.

I won't lie while I was awaiting my turn to play, I was drinking Buddy Light, listening to the A*Teens and looking at some pictures of them. It doesn't get any better.

First time Ted's drank with me while I'm still awake. Previously he had been drinking with The Marquis, however The Dr. was already passed out by the time Mista Ted commenced.

If you can avoid it, do not go to the mountains with Ted. He is the most gaseous fellow it is gross. We were engulfed in his flatulence at least every ten minutes. No lie.

Burkholder was talking big about finishing a fifth of tequila, however here he is passed the fuck out just shy of finishing the bottle while Emmett was watching gay porn, I was reading and Ted was asleep.

Look at this beautiful day! The previous day, it had been a blizzard. It was extremely cold skiing and it took us twice as long to go home. Anyway Burkholder and I went snow shoeing, and about 50 feet off the trail Burkholder found an abandoned snow mobile. We looked for keys and tried to start it with no avail. Then we looked for a dead body, but found none. It was no Stand By Me.

After a long climb on red snow shoes, a man has to sit down in the cold snow and enjoy the serene scenery. Looking at the picture, can't you just feel the cool mountain air in your lungs? Hopefully you don't have emphysema.

Burkholder and I wanted to climb this so we could jump off it into the snow, but there was too much snow at the top to make it easy to climb up to. Sad times.

While waiting for Ted's bitch ass, Steve and I saw someone being MedEvac'd in a helicopter. I should've taken a picture of the helicopter, but I was in awe and froze up. Just like when I see ridiculously good looking people. So everyday in the mirror. Hah.

Icicles can kill children, especially when they've been drinking ackahol. So it was my job to hit the lethal tips down.

Is the Colonel really a colonel? Or did he give himself a fancy title like yours truly? He passed away in 1980, without sharing his secrets. I thought he died recently, but that was the late Dave Thomas of Wendy's fame.

Old school in Angel's Camp. Isn't Kentucky Fried Chicken now supposed to be called KFC? Go to your local KFC and tell me if the sign says Kentucky Fried Chicken or KFC. I'm pretty sure all the ones around home say KFC. But I could be wrong. And that would be the first time.

Who needs 26" spinners on an Escalade when you've got a Mitsubishi Lancer with 16" hubcap spinners? Holla atcha boi!

Now we come to the end of our ski trip, and this part of The House. This license plate holder said "But But But... I'm the Princess!" And two guys were in the car. Huh? Here's a joke- You see that house over there? Yep. I built it, but nobody calls me John the house builder. You see that bridge over there? Yep. I built it, but nobody calls me John the bridge builder. But you fuck one goat...

If you don't get it, go away.



January 4, 2004

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