After a hiatus most commonly known as Winter Break, I have descended upon SC, back in action. I'm going to start dating groups of pictures so it will be less confusing, and will give me an alibi if I am indicted on a false charge by The Man, the District Attorney. I've been taking more pictures lately with a boost of self respect and confidence, so expect updates every two weeks instead of every month. Holla back. 101 pictures on this update can you believe that? I am so sick.
Huens and I were going to IKEA (hopefully the last time to that terrible place) to buy me a $70 desk for my apartment when Lindsey strolls up with a hilarious story. Apparently at 10 in the morning on her way to class some "big Mexican" guy pulled out his "big" cock and swung it around at her. She thought she was going to get raped (which is a reasonable assumption I must say) and ran away. But now here she is, a scant 5 hours later laughing about it like something she read in FHM.
Wednesday, January 7, 2004
Huens had been talking about the January cocktail party forever. Let's see how good it is. I took over a 100 pictures, but obviously not all of them were The House quality.
Huens told everyone 7, and here's Ice House at 7:30...
Past and present Ice House roster, top to bottom, left to right. Ferd, Bric, Taft, Dallas, Benton, Huens, Leland, Jeff, Charles, Sierra, Lindsey, The Greatest Man Alive. It's funny how many people at the house go by their last names.
Ted and I were very fashionable and were the only two to stun suits. However he was weak and cut out at 9, leaving me to fly solo. But his saving grace was one of the greatest quotes of all time, "She's almost as annoying as she is unattractive."
"To improve your image, be seen with me" says Lindsey.
Here's Jeff Larson, the man I need to have my Uncle Paulie in the waste management business "take care of" so I can move back into Ice. And I still need to chug against him!
The duality of man, yin and yang. While one is solemn and serious, the other is giddy and shall I say it? Yes. Gay.
My main "Would You Rather" partner. His beautiful sister bought him the Would You Rather game for Christmas and from what I hear it's a good board game, not a bored game. I'm going to start pronouncing Charles in the French way, like Charlemagne. That'd be sick, n'est-ce pas?
Either out of respect or out of sheer laziness, the picture of me passed the fuck out in our kitchen is still on the bedroom door.
As I was analyzing Sierra's shoes and informing her that I didn't like how one could see toes, Lindsey interjected her boot and forced me to take a picture.
And then a kiss and a make up.
Ecco è il Marquis con una bella amica si chiama Lindsay.
Since Taft didn't make the last update, he was heart broken and felt betrayed. So here he is in all his glory, sticking his hand in his shirt like me. Although from this angle it looks like we're pledging allegiance.
Accosted from the back! Oh thank God, it was Lindsey and not Suge Knight with a knife. Or a Springfield Armory 1911. Actually Suge Knight sans weapons would still terrify me. "Well that puckered my asshole."
About 'alf my pictures were people holding their hands up like so or turning away. Why don't pretty girls like to have their pictures taken? "Like so" was a great play on words on my part because one can take it literally, or it can mean "like Soraya is doing." Since some people call her "So."
Here it is the History 7 crew, minus one Thomas Huens. I told Emily (on the right) that she looked like Minnie Mouse because of her shirt, and she looked like she'd been physically attacked and scampered away from the insults (which weren't meant to be by the way) of The Marquis.
I miss having romantic dinners with you my little koala bear. Wow that sounded HELLA gay. Oh well...
Oh the memories from C Deuce last year... wait, what memories? Jenni on the right lived on our floor yet I'd said nay a word to her all year. How anti-social of me. And Meredith, the best (and one of only a few) story was when Stricker, Jake, Cohen and I were posting in 238 and Cohen was bouncing his basketball against their wall over and over until Meredith came over and was like, "Can you guys please stop bouncing the ball?" And then Stricker replies, "Ball? What ball? Want some Grey Poupon?" Oh Stricker, I hope you are alive and well.
Michelle's sister (sadly I forget her name... or perhaps I wasn't even introduced. How rude!), Camille and Michelle. Thankfully, Michelle and I buried the hatchet and the grudge she'd been holding over me for me saying that I thought she was a stupid wench or some adjective combined with "wench."
Look at cosmopolitan Huens now with the french cuff shirts. What happened to french cuffs? I think it was big back in the day because all our pops have many pairs of cuff links, however not many places sell french cuffs no mo.
Although they refused to take a picture with just the two of them, I persuaded them to take one with Charles. Kelly and Andy look like brother and sister. If you say different, you are lying. And I guess I could've been sneaky and taken a spy shot, however that's all the more reason for them to sue me out of house and clothing.
After telling Frankie many times that he looks like Conor Curtis, I was resolutely determined to take a picture of him for side-by-side comparisons. He's shy, and didn't want to take a solitary picture, so he brought Jenni in the mix. I could've cut her off, but I didn't. And they thought I did and called me a "dick" and "asshole."
My roommate taking over the place of my bartending job...
So I'll take his place of taking pictures with his girlfriend!
Damn Huens who the fuck do you think you are, Russell Simmons?
SVD, back from Spain and gracing us with her presence. Her birthday party is this weekend, hopefully there will be pictures on this update.
In the picture preceding this on my camera, Lorna was shying away from the camera. I looked at the picture for a good two minutes trying to figure out who it was. I should've just scrolled down one and I would've realized sooner who the mystery woman was. Look at Burkholder smirking in the background.
Ben being a wall flower, checking out the scene and wishing to God that he could dance with one of those fine boys out there.
"Wait... your PEN 15 is only this big? Or should I say small?"
Believe it or not this is the last picture I need to write a caption for this night. Lauren Follet in the middle I think pronounces her name with a hard "t," however I always call her "Follay" like "Cartier." It just sounds that much more sophisticated.
Katherine and Kelly. Kelly is my Disney Channel/Hilary Duff buddy. And also the person with the whitest teeth I have ever seen. Another tidbit about Kelly- she makes her own pants.
Christine has taken a picture with Leonardo DiCaprio, but here she is taking a picture with a much more intrepid soul. Also she figured out that the guy in the Polo ads isn't Leo. Can you believe that shit?
What a surprise... Urn got shit drunk.
The overriding theme for Serene tonight was denying great things that she'd accomplished in her life. Due to her humility, I will not reveal the quasi-secret, and will take it to my grave.
Apparently Robin is an engineer with a 3.96 GPA. Charles tells me he gets C's and he's in the top 1% of the class. Either they are bullshittin' me or she should be at MIT. And I swear she's in my Accounting class or someone who looks eerily like her.
Like the annoying paparazzi, I've captured a picture of belig Trisha walking around in pajamas.
Fucking Cluck U was closed again for an unknown reason so we came to midnight breakfast, a free event held by the cafeteria to feed us potatos and eggs. Look at this line! But who are we kidding? The Marquis of Oxenford and his entourage wait in no line, and we proceeded to cut.
I don't know why I took this picture, but the face on this girl is priceless: "Why is that great looking guy in a black suit taking a picture of me? Is he going to sell it on the Entirenet? Wait a minute... I'm not famous like Eminem... I better keep walking before they start to think I'm weird."
Look who we ran into on the way back. I have class Tuesdays/Thursdays from 9:55-5:25 straight and so I wanted to be in bed by midnight. That didn't happen until an hour and a half after my proposed goal.
End of night.
Friday, January 9, 2004
The boys at Peach got themselves an ice luge. First time I've seen one. And no, I didn't try it for three reasons. 1. I didn't want my face to get all sticky like when I was a kid and used to rub peanut butter and jelly on my face. 2. Putting your mouth on something that 35 other people had their mouths on? No thank you, if I wanted that I could kiss (insert some slut's name here). 3. Hard A is not for me.
Well let's have the showdown Mr. Larson. Back in the day, people solved problems with pistol duels. Then came break dancing. Then fighting. Now, beer chugging.
Countless people have told me tales of Jeff's speed at chugging, and naturally I was Curious George.
However with my voracious appetite for my good friend Buddy Light, I claimed victory. I am a humble victor, and Jeff not a sore loser, so of course we shook hands like gentlemen. I am the sun that melted Icarus the Jeff Larson Tale's wings.
Leland encouraged me to bargain with Jeff for the spot back at Ice. Jeff's price? $5000. That's way too rich for my blood.
'ere's Andy, one of the proprietors of Peach House.
Dave committed a party foul by spilling a full beer as he was talking to us. Lack of basic motor skills is something that we always appreciate when drinking.
Skyler, aka Freddie Prinze Jr., the master at the violent hugs.
Ben and Charles, two great guys. Here I is on the phone, embarrassing myself yet again. Dirty D stood me up for the second time this week. And on my phone you can put multiple numbers under a person's name, and when you press talk on the name it calls the first number, usually the home number. So I went ahead and drunkenly called two people's homes by accident around midnight- Burkholder (thankfully Elizabeth answered) and an unnamed individual (I's scerrrrrrred of retribution).
Walter and his buddy flashing some signs. Or are they giving me the finger?
Here are the birthday girls, Soraya and Lauren. There are only three occasions one can wear a tiara without being labeled a crazy spinster- a birthday, a wedding or a dance. Or all the time if you're royalty I guess.
Hey, you'd be excited too if you got to hang out with The Great Charles Leone.
Back from the easy streets of Brooklyn comes Biz. "Let me see the picture... oh that's fucked up but oh well."
Shonda (I hope that's the right spelling) lived in C Tres freshman year, and then disappeared from the face of the Earth kinda like Stricker right now. Well we sent a search and rescue party and found her hiding in a cave in the Dark Continent reading John Grisham novels.
My Utah buddy Kristen who knows D. Fratto, but not N. Book. There are many ways to spell Kristen so it gets confusing. In high school in our grade we had Kristin, Kristen, and Kristyn. And I guess parents could be individualistic and name their daughter Cristin. Or Cristen. Or Cristyn. You get the picture.
After introducing Jenna to Sushi Sam's (the greatest sushi place in a 50 mile radius) she repays me by taking advantage of my intoxication by trying to get me to reveal hidden secrets.
Bundled in Puma velour, Darcy again thanks the noble Marquis again for his selfless sacrifice of giving her her phone (hey I could've eBay'd it if I were shady!). And Megan Baker, who bought us late night food and cracked wise comments about a certain unnamed entity.
Our class President Mike Harvey with his little sister Kristen. I enjoy it when you can see family resemblance. You know families where the children look nothing like each other? Yeah I don't like that it's disturbing.
Meredith slapped my ear for some reason and I couldn't hear out of my right ear for the rest of the night. Fearing permanent damage, I started to cry and called my lawyer Bobby Courshon to file charges.
Ben and I need to switch places because Urn is getting married to Ben Taft. I distinctly remember forcing my opinions on these poor individuals again this night and being rebuked.
Hey Hey Urn and Sara Brown. Why is Sara grabbing my voluptuous boob? Perhaps the favor will be returned at a later date. And seriously, why are some of my pictures blurry? If you can tell me why with a resolution, I will take a picture of you, have it blown up and framed, and will hang it in my living room. Or actually wherever you'd like. Because what if I meet the A*Teens, and they only have time for one picture, and it turns out blurry? I'd fucking die.
What's this? It's the other Diana L. from SH in all her glory with our friend Walter. Total I think there were 7 SH gangsters at this party.
Braided pigtails for my Scandinavian Princess. I called her game though when I called my buddy Burkholder to speak some Svenska to her, and she couldn't do it. What kind of Swede are you Marina?
I don't know how I got to talking to Mark, but by the end I was suggesting that he become my bodyguard and then we could go on an ass kicking rampage. I just noticed I am wearing a backpack. You know what they used to say in high school- Yasu with a backpack is trouble, usually cause he's packing beer, a gallon of water, and some lemonade. That's right, I admit it- I used to be a sucker and drank beer with lemonade. Thankfully I am over that stage, because that'd make me blush.
Serene and Chrissy, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage (in Vermont), then comes the baby in the baby carriage (thank you in vitro fertilization). Haha, I keed, I keed.
End of night.
My bedroom over at the new apartment. What a humble abode.
And yes folks I am going homeless style by sleeping on the floor. It's actually quite comfortable, and saves a lot of room.
Saturday, January 10, 2004- Two kegs at Ice House.
"Yasu can you please go a minute without taking a picture?" No I can't, it's encoded in my genes. Japanese people like cameras and pictures.
"Alright, alright, take the goddamn picture. But where is Emmett? My cat, not the dude."
Do you have your tongue pierced? Or have you kissed someone with a pierced tongue?
Ferd and I go to Cluck U all the time when we're drunk. Tonight he got one piece that was a little undercooked, and I told him to bring it up with the main man himself, Fat Albert. Albert rules, and for the one piece that Ferd gave him, he got four back. I love you Fat Albert.
Greg why are you flashing that? You know you like the Admiral First Class, HMS Relentless Tyranny. You also look like you've been smoking crack. Or did I just not get you at your most photogenic moment?
Since Sierra was MIA last night, I was ecstatic that she was partying with us and hounded her like a homeless man who really likes bread hounds Le Boulanger.
Who's that peeking in between Sierra and me? C. Fleming?
No no, you can only touch The Marquis if you've paid the "handling" fee of $8000. A little excessive? How do you think I bought my Bentley with the stickers on the windows to show the price?
Well damn I guess if it's Lindsay than Admiral Awesome will have to waive the fee.
Hey ladies the camera's over here... what are you all looking at?
Dee Gee, Delta Gamma, Delta Gamma. In group pictures, where do you usually find yourself? I am usually on the sides or in the front because I'm smaller than most of my peers. But back in the day, namely eighth grade, I was taller than all you suckers.
Darcy, are you chugging or making a Bud Light commercial? By the way that's how I drink too, with my pinky up. You're very perceptive Dr. I know, that's how I became Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
"The Marquis, seriously, get a life." :-(
Duchess Harrison, why are you animatedly gesticulating? Is it because you got written up? Ah memories memories of write ups. When I went to see the Dean last year for ackahol problems, he looks at my record and says, "6 write ups huh? I haven't seen that many in a long time." I rule.
If I remember correctly, this girl's name is Mona, and she was one of the most interesting people I've ever met. Why? I don't remember, but I do remember she was quite intriguing.
UPDATE: Huens knows this girl, and her name is NOT Mona. I met her at a later date, and axed her why she lied to the Chief Justice. That's perjury. She claims that she didn't say her name was Mona. Who knows? GBGH.
My new friend Spider. Look at his chain- it's a spider web. When I saw it, I had to wear it, and I was all, "Can I wear it? Can I wear it? Can I wear it? Can I wear it? Can I wear it? Can I wear it? Can I wear it? Can I wear it? Can I wear it? Can I wear it? Can I wear it? Can I wear it? Can I wear it?" Now there are two outcomes to this situation. One is the preferable one, he gets annoyed and lets me wear his heavy bling. Or the other option- he punches me in the face and tells me to shut the fuck up. Luckily it didn't come down to that.
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen.
Holy shit I got two scares tonight. The first was when I lent my phone to Urn to call Emmett, and somehow it wound up on the couch. The next was I left my camera for some reason on the speaker, and when I went outside to post, I noticed I didn't have my camera and started to panic. Thank God it hadn't been stolen. Out of all the things you wear/carry on a daily basis, what would you least like to lose? C phone would be much worse than camera (unless you had some bomb pictures).
End of night.
Sunday, January 11, 2004
I thought I'd take advantage of my 4 day weekend and drive up to Davis on Sunday to GBGH it with Steve and Doug. Here's Doug's drill press and pneumatic tools. Who the fuck has these things at school? I asked him if he built the desk, and he gave me a fierce stare, mumbling through clenched teeth that the desk is shitty and below his standard of work.
Well let's drink some Cristal then.
Burkholder is leaving for Sweden again soon, so why not share a nice bottle of champagne with your friends?
What is it about Cristal and people wanting to take pictures with it? People except Doug, of course, that is beneath his station.
Leisurely sipping Cris, reading a cigar magazine. Does life get any better?
Doug, the master at building things. He built that shelf thing, his bed, and his nightstand. All quality work.
And also this ionizer contraption that makes the air smell like nothing.
Power hour, here we go. Steve and Jackie were doing it with Beers of the World, where I just kicked it with Beer of Fairfield, aka Buddy Light. Holly's our official timer with Swatch as the sanctioned equipment company.
I need 15 more pictures before tonight to reach my goal of 100 for an update (remember this page is one weekend) and apparently I took 65 tonight. Mostly of PBD right here.
After looking at most of the update, you may wonder why I have my hand in my shirt in almost every picture I'm in. I'm copying Napoleon Bonaparte. Remember him from grade school? Yeah that short guy who really liked peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
Lauren looks like the DR Nikki. I think that's her name.
See what you get after making fun of people's noses?
He found some red vodka that looks like blood. Straight from England, of course, since Doug is an anglophile.
A pose, and goodnight!
End of night.
Driving back, I didn't want to stop to fill up, and hoped that we'd have enough gas to get back. Actually, part of me hoped that we'd run out. Now that'd be an adventure, like Eben Warde.
This was on the waste bin at the gas station, and found it hilarious and an appropriate ending. Bu bye!
January 12, 2004
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