An Emergency Update

Damn The Marquis of Oxenford, another update a scant four days after BFFT? Yes that's right, I've decided to make an emergency update with Ryan's urging because of an event that took place on Saturday. Scroll down (after reading about Friday, of course) and holla at it. I don't think that people know how much time goes into the makings of The House. Perhaps I'll make a "Making The House" update like an MTV special.


Friday, February 13, 2004

What stylish shoes Jenna has. They remind me of Faberge Eggs that the Russian nobility so admire. I had a better picture, but the Jenna Bird made the good Dr. change it.

After taking six pictures, this is the best we could come up with. Is it our fault, or Jacey the photographer's?

Ah posting on White House porch, where the ladies are smoking (damn that's a good double meaning. You are so awesome The Marquis. Thank you.) and since cops roll by frequently, one of the shadiest places to partake in the drinking of Buddy Light, The Prince.

Have you seen the "Hey Mama" video by the Black Eyed Peas? Dear Lord it is so good. The girl is ridiculous in that skirt though her eyes are a little close together. What does this have to do with Ali and Kelly? Nothing. I just couldn't think of a caption.

From Christine's body language, I'm seeing that she likes Andy, but alas, he is a taken man.

Damn I'm good looking. But my ma is right, I'm becoming a little piggy.

"Let's take a pic of us doing The Yasu Look." I didn't know it had a name!

Well look who it is- Danielle and Hunnnnnnnnnah. What brings you out to the house?

Otter had an eighth grade themed party, and Urn for some reason believes that she was born 10 years earlier and dressed up in 80s gear. She said that's what she used to wear in junior high. Is she lying? For those of you who know, holla back.

I honestly find it hard to believe that these girls wore overalls in eighth grade. I don't think any girls at my school wore them. Well I guess I did go to a private school with uniforms, but outside of school and on free dress days I don't think I've ever seen it.

Apparently Urn has owned her overalls for a long time, and when Sara went to Saver's to go buy hers, they were delighted to find out that they're rocking the same fucking thing. BFFT.

Andy: "Don't touch me with that tongue of yours. Who knows how many cocks it's pleasured?"

After throwing all of Ben's dirty clothes at Andy, Urn sits in a corner, crying and wishing her dirty laundry wasn't aired out in public. Which is what she's doing to Ben, but literally, not figuratively. God I'm good.

"Hey why are you throwing my clothes?! Throw Andy's!" But what he's really thinking- "Oh Urn you are so beautiful I'd marry you now but The Marquis isn't ordained yet." Cause I'm going to marry the two.


Saturday, February 14, 2004

I am outstandingly funny aren't I? Or are you two smiling because I'm so awesome? Oh that's right it's the norm for people to smile when getting their picture taken. How vain I am.

"Yes Biz, that's what we call my big ass dick. You're hurting my hand."

"What I love about you is your hair. Please don't lose it in a stupid bet."

"Dude get a room!.... So I can hide in a closet and masturbate in privacy." Remember when _____ did that? Fuck that was a funny story.

The Napoleon look is back! What's your favorite pose? Or does it depend on the situation?

If only, Mike, if only. Even Hanson sang about that. Remember when MmmmBop came out and guys thought Taylor the middle brother was hot because he looked like a girl? Yeah that was disturbing I won't lie. And no I was not one of those guys.

Damn Meredith is back from whatever it is she does. I haven't seen her in like three weeks. Not the best picture of Jenn (what is it with girls dying their hair dark these days?) but oh well. GBGH.

Danielle with the prize winning DR smile, perhaps she's so happy because she's with Milo? He was her nominated Valentine after all. By nominated I mean I arbitrarily chose him.

"You talk a lot of shit Walt." "Well so do you sucker." Well I guess I do. With impunity.

Hey it's the Ben and Mona show! Ben and Mona ignored the rest of us, instead opting to gaze into each other's eyes and role play, Ben is Huens and Mona is Urn. Hah I bet that made no sense but whatever I laughed.

The girl on the left looks very familiar. Who is she?

Some gas + an empty can of beer + a flame + a man with not much sense = a flaming can.

Megan I hope that you were at a party that required this attire. You know what pisses me off more than anything? People who wear sunglasses at night and/or inside because they think it makes them look cool. Hello asshole! It's dark!!! But not you Megan.

How wide can you smile? Like the Cheshire cat. He's purple!

What the fuck was Ryan chewing on all night? He always needs something in his mouth...

Biz looking extremely confused as to what's going on. Beer sometimes does that to people. Especially when consumed in large quantities.

Dave talks so much shit about the chugging, so we'll have to go yet again.

You see the guy in the background mocking us? It's great the dude helped us move into our new apartment. And let me tell you our new apartment is the fucking bomb.

I somehow forgot my natural form, yet still won.


For the first time ever, Dave beat me. Shit.

Ferd the Bird what is so fucking funny? I want to know. Guys? What's going on? What? What happened?

Megan what kind of stuffed animal is that? And who gave it to you? Dave? I assume it's a bear, but from here it looks like a deformed whale that's small and brown and furry.

"Oh no not another solitary picture!" What's wrong Hunnah? Is that bad to be gorgeous?

If someone who didn't know me saw this picture, what do you think he'd think we were looking off in the distance at? Aliens? God's face? A satellite? Have you ever seen a satellite? I think I saw one a few years ago when there was a small white thing moving across the sky. And no it wasn't an airplane. I wish I had K. Bushnell's expertise and equipment at the time.

This unnamed individual was drinking in the dorms and shysted her way out of a write-up by answering the door in a sheet and saying she was "with" her Valentine. Very smart.

I don't know how the 911 Challenge came up in conversation, but Dave talked shit about that too. So it's settled, we're going to the U tonight. Here's Cluck U Veteran Mike trying to talk Dave out of it.

You drunk Sara? Why don't you come to the U with us?

We get there and Joey bets Dave $100 that he can't finish the Challenge.

I don't know why these suckers weren't at the counter watching.

Dave didn't have $100, so it came down to this. If Dave finishes it, he gets $50. If he doesn't, Joey gets to cut his hair.

The first bite is always the easiest, and even now he's talking shit. But this isn't basketball where you can intimidate your opponent. This is the Challenge, and dead chicken covered in hell's sauce isn't going to care what you say to it.

But we see what pepper spray on fried chicken does to mere mortals.

He's not doing it!

Joey's counting his money and is excited for the haircut.

Look how much is left over!

But true to his word, Dave sacked up and went through with his end of the bet. Respec for that. Joey had it out for Dave because of his Notre Dame shirt. He's an SC fan.

Since these girls didn't even know Dave, it made it all the better.

Man this night was so much fun holy shit.

What's that dog movie with the pasta? It's animated and two dogs each take an end of a string of pasta and eat it until their lips touch. Why would dogs be eating pasta anyway? Well this reminded me of that movie.

Ryan, a malicious fuck.

I won't lie, I love cutting hair, Jimmy Plunkett style.

Because of Amigo and Albert, yours truly gets free food whenever. Usually if I buy something they will double it, however today they gave me 8 breast bites for free. I am the man. And so are they.

Now Milo, don't run with scissors, and when you pass them to people, make sure you hold the handle out to them.

"Hey ladies do you like mullets?"

Though he didn't finish the Challenge, Dave's still going on the wall for losing an embarrassing, embarrassing bet.

Oh Dave wishes that was crack he was smoking to numb the pain and then he can drift into a world all his own, away from ridicule, bad haircuts and even worse judgement.

It's done! Ladies, he's available.

Did anyone sweep up? Nope. So if you're at the U sometime in the near future and some random hairs hit you in the face on a windy day, you know where it came from.

Still the shit talking continues. I found my form again, and demolished Dave by a good two seconds.

The undisputed champ is back.

He's feeling awful because he'd done the Challenge, got his hair cut, and now lost again to me. Bad things as well as good come in threes don't they my little amoeba?

For the rest of the night Dave was pacing around or lying down on the grass, wishing he didn't have such a big mouth. Boom boom shake the mofoin' room. BBBCCCAWWWW!


Sunday, February 15, 2004

Everyone had the Monday off because of President's Day so I thought there'd be shit going on. I was wrong. Anyway two things. 1. Since I have Monday off anyway, I feel entitled to have my Tuesday off. It's only fair because I feel slighted. 2. Ferd is the biggest princess ever. We're going out, and he's figuring out computer problems, burning a CD, ironing his shoelaces, deciding whether to wear a hat (and then which one), the list goes on and on. If you ever plan on going somewhere with him, make sure to allot at least 45 minutes for "primping" time.

I went over to White House, where my aspirations and ideals were shot down by four different people. How can they not think that _____ is good looking? It is mind boggling.

Indolent- adj. Disinclined to exert oneself; habitually lazy. Also, causing little or no pain.

Over at UN, where the bathrooms look like the quintessential crack house bathrooms. I promise I will get a pic on the next update. Here is Tommy chugging nothing but air.

Jack in the Box is awful. Awful in that it's so good and it contributes to my obesity. Tonight's damage- Jack's Spicy Chicken with cheese on sourdough with onions (but they gave me bacon instead, which is another story in itself), Fish & Chips and Two Tacos. It was delicious. Perhaps I should just eat less...

Is it wrong that 4 dudes are watching Jerry Maguire at 2am?

Oh well at least we discussed the concept of a wingman and how awful it can be. Oh yes, we also played a variation on the Would You Rather game that Charles and I love so much- Would You ____ If You Can ____.

This is my room in our new apartment. Now that I have enough room for an armchair, I really really want one.

And this is the kicker- I have my own bathroom in my room. I can lock myself in with some canned food and I wouldn't have to come out, ever. Just knowing that lets me sleep at night.



February 16, 2004

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