You Want What You Can't Have

What's shaking G-Units and G-Unettes. So I's been thinking of things and unless you're really enlightened like the Dalai Lama, you want what you can't have. Go figure...


Wednesday, February 19, 2004

Ferd and I were going to the mall when the 5 started vibrating quite badly. We pull over and 3 out of the 5 lug nuts are fucking broken off. Good work Just Tires Co. for torquing them down properly. Well at least I'm getting some good out of this- and you will see what I get real soon. BBBBCAWWW!

"My shoulders are starting to hurt from carrying this team!" True, J'son only hit like two cups.

"Now that there is a pretty girl."

So this one said that I look like an emu. I thought it was a goat type animal, but I was thinking of a gnu. What the fuck? If I look like any animal, it's that penguin Mezz brought a picture of freshman year. It even had the highlights on its head just like I did back in the day.

Those are some nails. Ladies, the French manicure is my fav.

Apparently Kev looks like a hamster, and Dallas I forget. A parrot?

The two prettiest girls at SC, n'est-ce pas?

Why do you have a flower in your hair? Are you from Hawaii? Cause you know all them ladies here from Hawaii are always rocking the flower. And some of the guys too, those that prefer the company of men.

What the fuck was Huens doing all night?

Catch Phrase is the best fucking game ever. It is so much fun. Notice the picture on the computer in the background. Maybe 1/2 of the 500 pictures on there are pictures of Urn and Ben Taft. I surprisingly went big last night, and came up with the conclusion that I can gauge how drunk I got by the people I drunk dialed.


End of night.


I was taking a cab home, and noticed this sticker on the window. Why the fuck would anybody need to know the tire pressure?

This guy was funny I asked him about the song Tunak Tunak Tunak Tunak Tunak Tunak Da Da Da and he knew it and we started singing it oh it was fun. At the end he put my phone number and name on the credit card receipt and I was all, "Are you going to call me for a date later?" God I crack myself up!


Friday, February 20, 2004

I never understood why people think Speed Quarters is fun. I mean yes it's kinda exhilarating in that seeing your grandma naked in the shower kinda way (gross!) but eh I like Catch Phrase.

It's Mike night. See, Mike drinks like a 12 year old girl, that is to say, never, and tonight we'll get him shit faced.

The rules...

Let's start this off with Dirty Dallas, Ferd and Taft.

I conquered all. Ben is the slowest chugger ever.

The first thing about beirut is never play against me and Ferd if you want to win. And that side's the bad side cause you gotta go out into the jungle when the ping pong balls fly over there.

Ferd the Bird, your friend Timmy isn't real. He's an imaginary friend, as such, you don't need to shake hands with him.

Holy shit...

Yes that's a stylish ass jacket isn't it? And a stylish girl next to me.

Though I dedicated many a shot to the beautiful younger sisters of these two, it was to no avail for I missed every time I dedicated a shot.

What the fuck this is the second picture of me when I'm transparent. Is I a ghost like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense?


Throwing support for Ferd on Mike Night, the lovely Serene and her companion, some girl I don't know.

Ah my two beautiful friends Sierra and Emily. Though they did scamper off somewhere, never to be seen again. And notice I changed jackets like Paris Hilton. It's because Huens demanded his lacrosse jacket back, for he thought I'd lose it or something. Which is funny because I thought I'd lost this one but thankfully I found it the next morning on the couch.

My God it's my roommate the C^2. I never ever see this guy outside of our apartment.

Of course, the obligatory picture with one Jenneezer. Looks like someone got herself a haircut. What do Sloaners have in common? They hate pictures of themselves!

"So pretty lady, what's shaking besides sticking your tongue out at the Marquis?"

The Marquis what are you looking at? Stop dropping the ball and look up, a few inches past the camera.

 Tommy Hilfiger, are you pointing at your boyfriend sitting next to you?

K. Harvey and I had an abbreviated Olympics, and depending on who you ask, the outcome was unclear and hazy, like the mind of a chronic crack smoker.

 I hope Serene is laughing with me, not at me.

"Get your fucking arm off me."

Harvey has the most wide array of facial expressions ever. This one looks like she's scerrrred or disgusted, like I just told her I'd put some GHB in her drink.

No contest. And if you take a gander at the picture above, you will also notice I had more to drink. But then again, I do rule.

Oh the love of my life... though you'd be surprised at who exactly that is. And Jacey I preemptively struck and censored you out for this saves us time and grief.

Fuck I am a handsome man. Is it wrong that I constantly think about how I'd look in a magazine or on the telly?

The Kristen Squared, talking to each other one on one for one's become, somebody else for somebody else.

Whenever I see Sargon when I'm drunk, I always try to get him to take a picture with his shirt off. One time I saw him running without his shirt and he is ridiculous. Though I run the risk of sounding hella gay, actually let's be true to ourselves I know I sound hella gay, but whatever. Sargon is awesome.

So I was taking a piss outside of Benson when campus safety shines a flashlight on me and goes what are you doin? Come over here. I say no and scamper away. Luckily it wasn't Kim Payne and the CS didn't care enough to run across the street to cite the good Dr.

What am I doing? I was probably hammered (well definitely is the right word there) cause I never share cups. Hopefully we were drinking Everclear to kill all them nasty germs.

Dammit Dave. I fucking knew I'd puke if I chugged with him.

First, let's compose ourselves.

I forget who won this round...

I sacked up, chugged and threw up right after. The last time I threw up I think it was after chugging with this boy too. Oh no it wasn't it was chugging with Emily. Thanks to contributing photographer Ferd the Bird for the last 3 pictures.


Saturday, February 21, 2004

Getting IFR current- only had 6 days left! Anyway as I'm eating an Amici's Combo I notice the guy from Fresh Gear on TechTV. It's that Chris guy, with Stephanie Siemiller!

'ave you ever noticed that most girls can pull off the 'at, but a lot of guys can't? BBBBCCAWWW!

Now you see it- the essential parts of Catch Phrase- the clicker, the countdown timer, and some enthusiastic young minds.

Well slap me so hard my whole family feels it. It's the C Deuce yet again. Twice in a weekend? That's a first.

Huens- the only person to urinate with the door open, regardless of who's outside. It's not really that big of a deal, but I find it interesting.

The usual drill for getting the randoms out- turn off the music and yell, "If you don't know either of us get the fuck out!" But the thing is, both Ben and I are hella popular so everyone knows us anyway. Hah.

And an hour later, when we run out of the keg, Huens demands money from people for another keg. And another keg we got. Holla!

Yes Skye we are #1. We dominated in beirut and fashion complements. And yes it's complements, not compliments.

Working the bar... though there's nothing to work. The guys seriously have to get some more carbon dioxide for the kegerator.

Is it wrong to wear Uggs in February?

Holy shit it's Cassie Bobrow. You may know her if you follow college women's softball.

The Ry-guy who kept introducing himself to me though I already knew him, Kerry who was surprised that I remembered her, and Cassie, my freshman interviewee.

Hey it's almost a high school reunion!

Dave where are you getting that beer from? And that's pretty ballsy shuttling a pitcher with the SC PD in full force.

Hey hey Darsie how long were you at the house? And why is your little friend there looking away? Oh that's right, it's Ms. Jacey.

The Kristen Squared, again. Harvey is my new fav person for she is hooking up pictures/autographs of all the A*Teens. I swear if she's lying I'll get Wicca Chris to curse her. OGPH.

So this is what it's usually like- 50 people crowded into a room that's 100 degrees. Vitalizing, no?

Well Lindsay has lost her chapeau, but found a fine young gentleman, a handsome beau.

It's Michelle's 21st! Say Happy Birthday!

"Hey girl, what's up. Let's go back to my room, I have a single, I am single, and I just put ruffies in your drink."

OK I won't lie I can't think of a caption for this and I was looking really hard at the pic trying to think of one when I noticed that these two could be brother and sister. Don't believe me? Look at the shape of their noses and cheek structure. Though their eyes are a little different but whatever.

Annie are you having trouble remembering the fundamentals of being an active member of society? Actually that's not true there are many a great people bound to the wheel chair.

Look it's the Catch Phrase group minus Figone and Megan. Yes I will admit it while people were upstairs dancing we were sitting in the hallway for a bit playing it (cause you need to hear the timer. It makes it that much more frantic.)

For some reason Larson always looks pissed in pictures.

If anything is missing or out of place in the pantry, it was due to this hungry mole.

A very fast braid job, I was impressed. E-Train, this one's for you. Though I don't think you read The House but that's OK. Oh yeah I also saw your parents driving the Prev today.

So I had to Paris Hilton it yet again for I went too big, threw up on myself at 11 and had to change. And this is the second night in a row that Ferd and I went to the U and they were either closed before they were supposed to or they ran out of food. Not cool.


Sunday, February 22, 2004

I was driving back to school to pick up Huens when I notice this smoke on 880.

Holy fucking shit is our house on fire???

Firemen use lots of water and this gutter was drowning in this torrent of flooding water.

Damn I've never seen a fire before, let's get closer.

My pa told me that fires are really hot but I couldn't feel anything. Probably the times he's witnessed the caveman's miracle he was closer. But then again this is the same man that told me hummingbirds were poisonous so I gotta be careful for his bullshit. This fire made FOX NEWS.

Huens and I went to test drive and saw this gorgeous ass view of SF. We're in El Cerrito, remember Alex Barnes from high school? I fucking can't believe he came to school everyday from this place. It took us a good hour fifteen to get here, no traffic. I thought he was bullshittin' when he said that he woke up at 5 to come to school.

5 hours later, the fire still going strong. If it takes them that long to put out a small fire like that, how long does it take for catastrophes to be taken care of?

I'm watching telly in Huens' room when Ferd comes in with the wall charger, saying "Hey Thomas is this yours? Cause I hit it the other day, don't leave it in the wall." Mike are you fucking kidding? It sticks out an inch and a half, just don't run into the wall!!!

I guess Ben's dick is a subject of much conversation over at Ice for the winter quarter. If you can't read it, this is what is says: Who's seen Ben's Penis? Charlie: Yeah but only once freshman year. And in his defense, it was cold outside. Andy: No. Ben: If I suck my belly in. Mike: No, I don't own binoculars. Jeff: No way José. Thomas: Yes but he was drunk + horny. Kev: Unfortunately not. The Dr.: You guys haven't seen his gay porn- The Anal Rider Strikes Back?

Third night in a row for Mike and I not being able to get the U. Albert told us he had wings, and I asked him to hook us up. 18 wings for free. And Albert, some beans over rice? You got it. Albert is the fucking man!



February 23, 2004

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