I have some very exciting news for you. Because May is going to be fucking insane, I will be updating every week for the next 3 weeks. This is my promise to you. Unless something unforeseen happens, of course. This coming weekend is Dallas' birthday in what what the greatest place on Earth, Vegas. Then it's Dr. Chiba, XIV's birthday, then his birthday bash that weekend. It's gonna be good, what legends are made of.
Sunday, April 25, 2004
We're all posting at Ice waiting for The Dallas to finish watching a movie so we can have our house meeting when we hear a honk and then a crash.
Well you know how you hear a honk and then no crash a lot of the time? Well this time we got "lucky," and immediately take off running... and see this shitty truck smoking, driver's door open, and the driver running.
Now I won't lie, I was extremely impressed with the fact that this man did the hit and run. I wonder if the car was stolen and if he was high on crack cocaine.
The damage was unbelievably impressive. This truck took out one of those metal signs that are planted in concrete.
So here's what happened- the truck was driving on the wrong side of the street, swerved to avoid a head-on collision, hit the tree in front of Ice, somehow managed to drive it across the street to hit a dorm building (Dunne), then took out the pole, and laid to eternal rest. Oh man if there were people where the truck hit the building, it would've been like terrorists coming to punish SC.
From a totally non-homo standpoint, there was this pretty good looking cop so I called Jenna, and the White House girls came running.
This is said cop, but they didn't think he was all that stunner. :-(
End of night.
You wish Huens' shorts were hiked up a little bit more so you could see some ball huh? This is how I've inadvertently seen many a ball in my lifetime.
What the fuck 102 degrees? The past week it was all cold and raining and now I have to put up with this bullshit. Would you rather always be cold or always be hot? You know my answer- I love the cold, hate the hot. I'm marrying an Eskimo who will make me Eskimo pies all day and night and we can live in an igloo and yes we will have an army of penguins. Meh.
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
We're going to the Giants game and Jeffers comes prepared with limes to put in his 40 oh zee. I like going to baseball games because I enjoy the drinking, the popcorn, hotdogs and garlic fries that are there. But I don't appreciate paying $7/beer.
I definitely was amused how the train people cared more about us putting our feet up on the seats more than our drinking. But then again, we weren't belig at this point.
People were asking for some of my Jack, and since I hate sharing drinks, I poured them the Tennessee tea into their 40 caps. Nice picture Dr. Chiba.
This was the most awful smelling bathroom ever. When I came back I was like fuck you Jeff for dropping bombs that smell that bad. His response? "I went in AFTER you ASSHOLE!" Well that would do it.
"Don't you usually charge for lap dances? Can I get one?"
In the nick of time, I've killed the pint at the end of the line. With a little help from my friends!
Sara and I were no longer friends because I dropped her on her ass when giving her a piggy back ride (yes I'm that big of a bitch) plus I stole her wallet. Other things that I found amusing and horrifying- security almost kicked me out of the park for being too belig, and when Jeff went to try and score a beer for $2, I started screaming at the beer guy to "Fuck that! Give my buddy 3 chickens and a beer!" Was he selling chicken? Sadly, no. Not to mention me annoying the shit out of two 15 year old girls, one who I remember as good looking. Is that bad?
This is what I should've been doing (and by doing I don't mean Sara, I mean sleeping), however I'm pretty sure I was being a pest to two poor girls trying to get home. Oh The Marquis of Oxenford, how great you are.
Friday, April 30, 2004
It's "My Bra" at White House, and here are our barkeeps for the night, Melisa and Lindsay. Though I won't lie I was bartender for about 3 minutes until Melisa told me to get the fuck out.
I can see the boogers in your nose.
"Ok, then I'll pick them with this here finger."
"What's that girl doing with that trouser snake? Can I play?"
"Since I can only see out of one eye anyway or else I'll see double, I'll put my hat at this stylish angle to imitate my wiggers from the 310!" Style and function! Good play.
"Watch me drink my potion and then it's AAAAAHH I got the magic stick, I know if I can hit once, I can hit twice!"
Don't really know why I took this picture, but Jacey tells me that she went to the bathroom back to back, I found that hilarious, and since she wouldn't let me take a picture of her, I took a picture of Tafter and Ferdie. Which leads me to ask, "Why were you going to the bathroom back to back?" You're not 87!
This is who named Big Bird, looking pretty Big Birdish herself.
A little drunk there the Personal Knight to the Queen?
A contributing photographer to The House, Caswell finally makes it himself. Now watch your popularity grow tenfold.
Which Kristen would you like to date?
When drinking whiskey, you have to put faith in yourself that you are a generally nice person because you are basically on auto-pilot. For those of you in the know, I'm kind of a dick, so when this poor girl in the white walked by me, for some reason I said she was a "stupid bitch." And I don't know her. I felt real bad when I found out the next morning, I won't lie. I'm sorry!
My enigma of a friend, so ambiguous and inexplicable that her own label perplexes her.
Damn it Dr. Chiba you are a handsome, handsome man.
2 drunk Harveys, one who couldn't even remember hanging with me at the Bronco. How rude!
Well Brandon went ahead and bought me a beer, so let's chug at the Bronco.
I've come to the realization that my whole relationship with David Ray revolves around chugging. I don't think I've ever seen this guy when we're both sober. I guess that's a good thing, and a bad thing.
As you can plainly ascertain, I won. However this was not a legitimate win. See below for the reason.
Isn't this what girls usually do? Oh wait... nevermind.
I don't even remember being in the dorms at all. I've been going obscenely huge with hard A so from here on out I'm going to stick with beer. You know you got drunk as shit when you wake up in the morning and immediately start to drunk dial people... and the only person who picks up is your buddy Burkholder in Sweden because of the time zone difference, he's the only one awake.
Who needs a menu at Jack in the Box for a regular like myself? 2 tacos and a Jack's Spicy Chicken with cheese on sourdough with bacon and onions. And if I'm feeling especially zesty, I'll also holler at some Bacon & Cheddar Potato Wedges or Fish & Chips.
I ate shit getting out of the car because someone didn't bother to get out of the seat (Harvey!) and so it was a tight squeeze. I scraped up my knee and it is quite bothersome because I keep hitting it against walls and such.
Saturday, May 1, 2004
Do you like surprise birthday parties? Have you ever heard this joke- A man loved beans, and had 3 helpings one night on the way home. His wife met him at the door when he came home, and exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair and made him promise not to peek. The telephone rang, and she went to get it, making him promise again that he wouldn't peek. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity to fart. He shifted his weight and let go. It was not only loud, but also ripe. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air. He started to feel better when another urge came on. Raised his leg and RIIIPPPP! He carried on for a few more minutes until he heard the phone slam down. After assuring his wife he didn't peek, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPISE!" And he saw 12 dinner guests sitting around the table for his surprise birthday party.
Well it didn't turn out like that but here are Meredith and Jenn, the birthday girls, no longer teens. Oh how my little girls have grown up.
Damn it's Greg Shelley rocking the shells and no backwards hat. Did you get punked for it?
5 way chug. Though Milo the photographer (not the intern from LIVE 105, oh wait that's Miles) excluded the most important person out of this quintet, the Personal Knight to the Queen.
Kyle and I tied, however this is the reason why none of my wins or ties have been true lately- it's not a true chug if you spill. I've seriously lost my touch and can no longer chug without spilling on my shirt. A true chug is the whole beer- remember that kiddies. Note- Look at Dave Ray in the red, he's like "I'll get you for this Mario!" He looks like Wario!
Here they are- Meredith and Jenn. Please drink responsibly. And by responsibly, because it's your birthday, get absolutely hammered. Oh yeah do you like the yellow cups? They're pretty awesome I won't lie so I double fisted.
What's with Kyle and him challenging everyone to a chug these days?
Looks like Larson's lost it too and no I'm not talking about his anal virginity. I remember when he and I both could chug w/o spilling a mofoin' drop. Now it's like, "Drop it like it's hot!"
Milo looks has that look in his eye like a man just out of prison, and he wants a piece.
Chrissy was going around telling people that I got "You would." from her, and that I started saying it after her. The truth is, I got it from Colleen, who probably got it from the O.C. And yes I started saying it before you Chrissy!
I asked the girl in yellow why her phone was covered in blue tape, and Brandon goes this is why and straight up throws it on the ground. I won't lie I found that fucking hilarious and yes I still do.
This would've been an awesome shot, however this guy walked in front of the camera. I was going to say something, but then remembered how I talked way too much shit the previous night and luckily didn't get my ass kicked so I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut. Mouth shut, hands in pockets- the best policy for one Dr. Chiba, XIV. MSHP!
I saw Sierra and Leland go into the back house and against all better judgement, curiosity got the better of me and I followed them in to watch the hook up. But they played it off saying that Leland needed to use the bathroom.
I guess Sierra has a fetish for awesome people to brush her hair like she's a pretty pony. Or did I ask to brush her hair? Most likely the latter, but you never know!
This doesn't really have to do with the picture, but Milo's amoeba shirt reminded me how Tafter, Leland and Charles were asking people random questions to get into the house. What's your favorite mollusk? What's your favorite wood? And so on!
Who's that you're hollering at Frankie? And did you pick that flower and pin it on her shirt? What a gentleman!
Huens doesn't seem so amused, but Mona what's so funny? I want to know and laugh too!
Someone drew a picture of Lindsey on the board, and at the time I thought it kinda looked like her, but now that I look at it sober, I see that I was mistaken. What is it about the liquor that turns everything into fantasy? And sometimes not the sweet, sweet fantasy that Mariah Carey sings about. UPDATE: I received an exasperated IM from the artist of the board drawing, one Emily Bjorklund, and she wanted me to add that she was drunk, and it was her "post modern cubist rendition of Ms. Lantis... [I] am viewing her art through a tainted lens."
Do you ever get something in your head about someone even though it's completely wrong? Case in point- I truly believed that she was an equestrian, though she doesn't ride horses. And I had another thought, however I need to censor myself. And no my mind is not in the gutter on this one.
I wonder what people think when I ask to take a picture with them doing the monocle. Probably that I'm the coolest guy ever.
"My friend who drove me here is hooking up with someone... can I stay with you tonight?"- Charles A. Leone's recount of the night... except he happened to be talking to his right hand, Angela.
Late night Bronco- not as good as the U, but you're sure to run into a bunch of G-units and unettes plus the food is free. Well I guess the food at the U is sometimes free...
WTF is this Alisa? Where'd she come from and where is her Razor scooter? Last year some of my friends thought she was on Valium or something cause she's always so happy.
Sorry for the shitty picture, but coming back from the Bronco, I see Denise in a chair, in the fountain. Then Campus Safety rolled up so I went ahead and cut out with a quickness.
Yeah... so the new A*Teens video (sadly they are breaking up- ain't that a B) is ridiculously awesome. They incorporate some of their old videos in it, not to mention it's a fabulous song, and it's fucking fantastic seeing how they changed over the years. Anyway, at one point Sara and Marie do a salute and it is the greatest thing I have ever seen. Now I need to capture a certain two young ladies on camera and it will be the greatest picture I have ever taken. And yes I will let y'all know when that happens. I may even dedicate a whole heading on the main page to it.
Gally on the left bought me a Guinness last night even though I don't think he knows me, and the guy on the right offered to fight someone for me along with Mike. That's always good to know you have an entourage for back up.
Oh man this picture led to the biggest misunderstanding of the year. If you know what I'm talking about, then I'm sure you agree completely.
End of night.
Cisco dropped my camera and a piece fell off of it. I was very worried that it was broken, but here is the test shot. It works; thank goodness! My camera is my life. Though I guess it would've given me a great excuse to buy the new U40.
Here are the two things that piss me off tremendously while driving- people driving with their turn signals on and going < 80mph in the fast lane. And the worst is when nugs combine the two, they should have their licenses revoked.
The 911 Challenge! This kid looked like he was about 12, and he rolled in with his America's Tire Company crew. The guy holding the beer kept on talking shit to him, and that seemed to rile him up.
One more to go, and he throws up. Oh well, nice try!
Ok here, here is Big Bird and another yellow ///M. Do you like the wing, or no?
Wednesday, May 5, 2004
Here it is this is where it all comes together. Y'all know I love people watching and drinking. So why not combine the two? Well for one most people don't like to drink during the day, however Tarantino and I spat at that social convention and set out to kill a handle I bought him for his birthday. We started at 2pm, but we also finished our finance homework so this was a very productive drinking session.
A few hours later, and it's time to migrate inside. I think Tarantino bowed out around 7, and the handle wasn't killed. I felt kinda bad though- I said I'd buy him a handle, but since I drank a lot of it, in essence it's like I bought him a fifth. What a shysty asshole I is. By the way, should we call Laura "Paris Hilton" from now on? Who changes outfits during the day?
Why aren't I asleep? Huens, Tafter, Sierra and I went to Chevy's after my hard drinking session, and ordered some good Sour Apple margaritas. And then they cut me off because I was yelling inappropriate things. I passed out around 11:30, and then woke up at 4am with the worst heartburn ever. I somehow made it to my 9:55 class because I was on a mission, however that was Mission:Impossible because I was rejected by #2. Sad!
Thursday, May 6, 2004