That's Hot

I went back to Japan, and it was good times. It wasn't as hot as previous years, which is nice. It actually started raining two of the days. But I digress, anywhere you sweat so much you have to take a shower after being outside for 10 minutes is no good in my book. I like the temperate Bay Area. I wish I had taken more pictures since there are some weird ass people in Tokyo. And weird places. Most of the time I was alone, not packing heat, so I couldn't take pictures of dirty whores (with G'd out pimps), Korean gangsters nor the shady ass Iranians and Africans slanging. I had a friend back in the day from Kenya he was awesome. Oh and I wanted to take pictures of some Japanese wiggers because they are hilarious. But like I said, I was usually rolling alone and didn't want my ass kicked. But it was really fun either way, and you know what, "That's Hot." By the way it feels weird speaking English so if I start speaking to you in a foreign tongue just nod your head and pretend to know what I'm saying. Humor me.


By the way I'm doing this at 4 in the morning. I sometimes get jet lag coming back, but going there I don't because the times work out. I get to Tokyo around 3 so I only have to stay up for 6 or so hours for a normal sleep routine. But coming back to San Francisco, the plane arrives around 11am so I have to stay up 10 or so hours. Plus the drinking until 5 didn't help my case either. Anyway, enjoy the latest drop of The House.


July 5 - 20, 2004

It's going to Japan time and since I hate airplane food (who doesn't, mmmmmhmmmm) I have to eat a lot to emulate a camel. I guess they drink water but whatever you get the idea. This airport pizza, though a bit steep at $8/pop, was very good. So I ate 2.

Ferd E. Bird came and joined me as he was leaving to go to England the same day and had time to kill. When I was little I'd always wish that instead of going on a cramped plane the whole waiting area would fly and get us to our final destination.

Flying coach and riding in buses builds character. And oh what character I built. On the way back I sat next to this one hefty woman sitting next to her friend. Every other word was "MMMMMMHMMMMM." Though coach isn't as bad as I thought especially since even in coach they have personal TVs. Oh and now they built a huge hotel right near my crib and the bus goes directly there so it's quite convenient for one Dr. Chiba, XIV.

I fucking love gadgets. And if I had the change I'd buy everything in sight. What do Japanese people love more than flashing "peace" in pictures? Cell phones!

Look at this ridiculous phone that came out on 7/1. It's ridiculously small I want it.

Starbucks really is taking over the world. In this general vicinity, I can name about 3 different places... and this is from a dude who doesn't even live around here! Not even remotely close!

I always used to race my ma on this downhill street. Looking at this I should've taken a picture of the sidewalk instead of the street because that's where the heat was brought by future track star and 5 time Olympic Gold Medalist Dr. Chiba.

My favorite ramen place, Asuka. I came here like 10 times no joke in 2 weeks. The things to get- fried potstickers (make sure they are fried and not boiled) and the piiku tantanmen. And the pickles they have that go with rice is divine as well.

If you ever come to Shibuya, don't ever go into these bathrooms unless you'd like to pick up a friendly, neighborhood disease. You can see the dude on the right slanging rocks and the dude on the left a little down because of all the rocks consumed in life.

"Brewed For Good Times." What a great fucking slogan. I was very surprised at the number of different beers there are now. Pleasantly surprised.

This is the real yakiniku- with charcoal. There are so many good places to eat! This time around I didn't buy anything and spent all my money on food. My spending habits are like those featured on MTV's "True Life- I'm Obese" like that one girl who carries around a bottle of ranch.

Everything is smaller, even the kegs! This is your standard keg in restaurants, and in my expert estimate I'd say that it's 1/2 of a pony keg. That's "pleasantly ghetto."

OK so I thought for the visa interview I'd actually have to talk to someone about my goals in life, so I dressed appropriately. But not appropriately for the weather. I was in sleeves and long pants and wanted to die for I had to stand in this fucking heat forever. Then they told me I did the forms wrong and told me to go to some place to redo the forms. I got lost and had to take a cab to said place which turned out to be a photo store. The dude working there looked at me like I was an albino retard when I asked to use a computer. Flustrated (flustered and frustrated), I boldly walked into a random office building and asked to use a computer for reasonable monetary compensation. I was refused, however was pointed in the direction of a Kinko's. GBGH.

This place is called kodomo no oshiro, Kids' Castle, however I have no good memories of here. I think my ma would drop me off here while she went out hooking or whatever she does. Or maybe she was there with me I don't remember. In either case, those fucking faces on the statue are scary as shit.

In this spot used to be a quasi-brothel. Because I know you avid readers of The House deserve only the finest in Entirenet information, I was going to go in for an "investigative" report and sample the goods. However the love hotel is no longer; it apparently was demolished to build an apartment building.

My friend took me to Roppongi Hills because she loves to shop here. When I imagined this place I thought it'd be a general location, like Beverly Hills, however it is just one gigantic building.

The Hiltons are pretty popular here, especially with this brand. I was watching a telly show with the President of the brand and the announcer guy was funny as shit. Just thought I'd let you know.

Well not only is it $15 to see a fucking movie, but when you buy your ticket you choose a general area you'd like to sit in. Then you get an assigned seat. WTF.

And WTF again. Why do I have to sit through commercials when I paid that much to see the movie? "Dr. Chiba," you say, "even in America there are ads before the feature film." Yes that is true, however rarely do we see 30 second blatant advertising. It makes the "man with the golf club" on my Polo shirts go on a Donkey Kong-esque rampage.

Tokyo Tower from Roppongi Hills. Random fact I remember from a report I did in grade school- it is 333 meters high.

You bitches didn't believe me but here is proof. They sell liquor in vending machines, so even if you are 6 years old you can buy beer. A funny, but kinda bad joke I read on the Entirenet the other day- What's the best part about taking a shower with a 6 year old?......... When her hair gets wet and slicks back, it looks like she's 4.

There are some stuntin' cars, like this long version of the 7 series, perhaps the L^2.

Festival time at Yasukuni Jinja. What's your favorite thing to do? Mine's catching goldfish. I caught a few goldfish 15 years ago that are probably still GBGH'n in my grandmother's koi pond. Last I heard, they were still alive.

There isn't much space in Tokyo so even roofs are used for extra space. I remember many an hour GBGH'n and pampin' here as a shortie. This is on top of a Tokyu department store. And department stores here are different from the ones in the States, like Barney's. A department store in Japan sells EVERYTHING, from food to clothing to TVs to silverware to pets to roller coasters to people. OK I was kidding about two of those. But no seriously, it's like Fry's Electronics, but on a much grander, 3 wing 10 story way.

Why do they even bother with a Smoking Area? Everyone smokes everywhere anyway and it's hella gay. Tokyo is like a giant ashtray.

Just for you, I took a picture of the so-called "busiest intersection in the world." I should've taken one at night. It is shoulder to shoulder. Literally.

Living in the city is kinda nice if you're hella poor cause you get free use of these TVs. Someone would be like "Ay yo I got a 60" plasma up in my bish." And you can reply, (while caked in your own vomit, assorted liquors and cigarettes and man-sex) "Oh yeah well I have 3 TVs at my disposal and the smallest one is no less than 15 feet. GBGH motherfucker!"

While looking for something to do, I discovered this bar, where the motto is something like, "Guaranteed to be hung over." I'd go to a place like that. Eventually we drove to Akasaka and checked out the Korean gangsters.

Here are my two oldest friends in the world. I've known these two niggaz since I was about 0. We met at the park while our moms were trying to get rid of us for ¥¥¥ to bail our pops out of jail for larceny. If people's predictions are as good as they think they are, I'm going to marry the one in pink.

Here's a throw-back picture of me and my "wife to be." Sorry I had to take a picture of a picture since I didn't have access to a scanner.

Here's the lower level of the park. It's all ghetto and decrepit now. Back in the day there used to be fish and turtles in this pond, now there are just mosquitos. A lot of them. Mosquitos = malaria. Back in the day I used to get scerrrrred of getting the HIV from a mosquito who'd bitten an offender until I found out that the virus dies on contact with the air.

If you know me well, you know I am the biggest mysophobic, EVER. I won't share drinks or food with anyone, even my parents. I think it has to do with the combination of my shystyness plus my mysophobia. Sharing? What's that? But get this when I was a kid I used to put my mouth over the ball of this exact public fountain. Isn't that disgusting? #1 it's like I'm sucking dick as a kid and #2 WTF was I thinking putting my mouth on a public fountain?

 There are a lot of misspellings in Japan. (I was going to misspell "misspellings" for the sweet sweet irony however I doubt that most of you would've caught it so why bother?) I wonder why people don't look in a dictionary for common spellings rather than sounding words out phonetically and hoping for the best. Oh well we can't make fun of these people because seriously, how many languages can YOU speak? Even passably well? It's fun that they sell "Drug," like GHB. That would put your local ruffie dealer out on the streets in the figurative sense and not just the literal!

Damn it's my old planner. Most people usually have planners to remember important events like, "My Wedding," or "Kidnapping a high level CEO for ransom," or even the more mundane, "Lunch with Sammy Sosa."


A little close-up. And this is no joke, I actually kept this up for a little over a year until my parents sought help.

It's the original Mario. That's right not even Nintendo, it's Famicom you cooters. My pops won this shit along with a Famicom in a golf tournament. How much do you think this shit will fetch on eBay? Or should I keep it for sentimental value?

These Nontan books were all sorts of G-ed out. I used to know all of them by heart because I was illiterate until last year. Did you know that kids dream primarily about animals until the age of 6? Speaking of 6 year olds, what's the best thing about... nevermind already told that one!

This place was tight, $30 all you can drink for two hours plus a good meal. Why don't we have places like this in the States?

Going to a strip club, going to a strip club. Since they let us bring in our own liquor, why not stock up? $2 for a single Budweiser is a little steep though. For Bud Light, most definitely.

OK Mona told me that Carlo Rossi (yes the jug wine) was very popular in Japan. Even though it's the same shit, it's advertised as a "nice" wine. I didn't believe that so whenever I came across an establishment that sold wine, I'd take a look. This is the first and last time I saw Carlo Rossi sold; at a convenience store nonetheless. Oh by the way I love the fried chicken at Lawson (karage-kun, RED). I ate it every day. See, normally I wouldn't even think about eating food at a place like 7-11, however since it's Lawson, I thought it'd be alright.

This strip club was weird. It was a bunch of dirty dirty men clapping to the songs, watching these ladies shake their shit. At the start of each routine you can take a picture for about $5. This one- "Don't fuck with the crossed guns."

The West Side is the best side, n'est-ce pas? Why isn't this bitch naked?

The girl in white came alone, and that's a little odd. She started talking to us about her dreams of becoming a stripper, and was there to see what it's all about. I wonder how much money they make since people weren't throwing money at them like at Centerfolds, the gentlemen's club.

By law, strip clubs have to close around midnight. Hungry, we came to this ramen place where you aren't supposed to talk. But being the belligerent, inconsiderate drunk I am, I started screaming about my Miyago cat and how much I missed him and my imaginary penguins. Hopefully my food wasn't spat in. Too much at least.

Damn it's light outside, 5:15 am at Denny's (yes we have those here too). Too much drinking for me, especially since I have a plane to catch in a few hours. Good bye!



July 21, 2004

| Home | Contact |