Take My Breath Away (OMG OMG HI2U!111!1111!)

Check it. There have been several breath taking people that have landed at SC, and it's hot. I love it, it's gorgeous. What's not gorgeous is all of you in Europe who are neglecting to answer my emails!!1!!11! Damn you! Well I think I will keep this short and sweet for I have a midterm to study for, and I haven't even opened the book yet. Laundry and The House takes up all my time. Oh BTW if anyone needs laundry done, including ironing, I will do it for a fee. No joke. Holla at me over AIM, because I'm really shy over the phone.


Red Lobster has a special going on now where it's all you can eat shrimp for $15.99. And yes all the good cheese biscuits you can eat. OMG it's so good. You can't choose lemon pepper fried shrimp though, so that sucks. I had a bitch of a time finding people to go with because people don't like seafood, especially at Red Lobster. Red Lobster is so bad it's good. Don't ever go to Red Lobster with Jenna or Jac. Seriously.


Wednesday, October 13, 2004

YES! We're finally day drinking again after Tarantino bailed out on me two times. I did my work earlier in the week just for this. However, this time we started at 4, not 2, which is a little late.

Ok I have developed a new theory- "Self-Absorption," hitherto known as Theory #2. It stems from girly looking guys being attractive to girls, while guy looking girls are NEVARRRR attractive to guys. This is because girls are inherently narcissistic, and love to see themselves in the people they date. So when a dude wears perfume, like I did one night, girls like it because it reminds them of themselves, and being excessively self-involved, they think OMG he smells like me, I love me, I love him. But conversely, a girl wearing cologne just wouldn't work. I guess y'all should stock up on Britney Spears's "Curious."

Ray told me I was starting to grow a moustache and that I should actually grow one out. I fucking hate shaving, why can I never get a super clean shave? And yes that's me checking out my moustache in the mirror I always carry around.

My boy Marshall was filming, so I asked to be filmed too. They are sending the tape to some French speaking place in Africa. I said, "Hey yo, I'm Japanese, my name is Yasu, and this is my friend (Dave Ray) from South Africa, and my other friend (Mike Pal) is also from Africa, and his name is Mike bababa cluck cluck." en francais. God I'm good.

This one goes out to you Jake. The Kas says, "If you think you are boring, you probably are. If you think you are ugly, you probably are."

We go to Safeway to buy more booze (on Tarantino, of course) when see this smoking car with the dude trying to start it. Thinking nothing of it, we go in to buy our wares. We come out, and he has it backed out so it's blocking the lane, however he's having trouble starting it again. Walking over to help him, we notice that the fucker is so drunk, he was drunker than us. HAHAHA DUI! Finally we get the car pushed in with the help of a Round Table Pizza employee and bounce before the police arrive.

It never really occured to me how little Tarantino can drink and how early he passes out. This is like 7pm... or maybe 9. No later than 9.

Of course, when a man is passed out on the couch, he has to be pooned. The best poon job I've seen so far (and it was mostly washed off) was Swede's poon the morning of October 23. He had been pooned so badly they got the insides of his ears. Haha that's awesome!

We were hoping he wouldn't notice and go out like that, however it had slipped our minds that Tarantino's love for the mirror is unrivaled in nature, even a mother to her babies. As soon as he woke up, he ran to the bathroom, saw that we had ruined his features, and promptly washed off for the walk back to his house to pass out.

Ok I don't have a picture of Ben but let's pretend that the focus of this picture is one Benjamin August Taft.

take a guess who i am, and you'll get a prize

i love erin, what a surprise

some say i'm a toon character, a bunch of lies

i drive a blue truck that's big in size

i don't have a lot of these, these being ties

if there's a fun toy i like, i buys

if you haven't guessed yet, my name is ben

i sleep at 2, call me before then

i love you erin

Catie has extremely smooth skin and I was like OMG OMG HI2U!11!!111111 Some people have nice underlying facial structure, but bad complexion just ruins it. My advice- GO SEE A DERMATOLOGIST, IMMEDIATELY, IF NOT SOONER. kthanxbye. BTW "OMGHI2U" is taken as a custom license plate. What other retard besides me would get that? Now it comes down to LOLOLOL, OMG OMG or KTHXBYE.

Ferd and Huens were wrestling again. Oh I'm getting ahead of myself here. There is lots of tension between Ferd and Huens, and it's going to come to a showdown, real soon. I cannot wait. I cannot wait. Ferdie has so much rage inside him he will own Huens. Check it out, Ferd bitches about everything, and then Huens just does said thing more to instigate. For example, Ferd whines about water on the floor of our bathroom. You know, cause that's something that's never happened before since man began recording history. How am I supposed to dry off my shower flip flops? Or should I just stand in the tub until I am dry? I could catch pneumonia! Huens one time took water from the sink and threw it on the floor in front of Ferd E. Bird. It's gotten to the point where they have been known to start arguing in the morning when they wake up. Anyway, I took this picture because I locked those two bitches in Ferd's room, which was stupid because if something did happen, I would not be there with my video camera to record the best thing that will happen, EVAR!!1111!111!!


Friday, October 15, 2004

Jeffy, Ben and Benton got stopped by the ABCs at Safeway, and hearing that Mike, Huens and I went to try and get stopped. We parked 2 cars down from the blue Astrovan, but by the time we bought our beer, they were busy confiscating beer from some other kids and giving them MIPs.

Lauren (the blonde one) used to date Dan, Dan, the C Walking Man. That's awesome. God he is so cool.

I hate worthless people. These are people that talk on the stairs, blocking the way with their backpacks and extraneous fat. And people who consistently are at least 5 minutes late to every class. Like the curly haired fat bumblefuck in my Finance class. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it does. I really want to say, "You have no worth to me, run along and go play in the sandbox little one."

I'm such a nice guy. A certain someone was cold, so I gave her my shirt. And had to rock an undershirt for the rest of the night. What a wonderful individual I is.

Dammit O'Brien beat me at chugging again. Ray was talking shit to the huge dude on the right, saying how gay his sweatshirt was, thinking that he was my buddy. He isn't. Thankfully, the dude was cool, and didn't own Ray.

Ch-ch-check it out... it's Jolon! And tonight I saw Taylor Aronson and Pat Deggelman. What a pleasant surprise.

Things that piss me off: 1) retards who only wear the top portion of their t-shirts and sweatshirts. Don't they realize they look fucking retarded? 2) Retards who have their cell phones go off in class with some gay ring like Ace of Base "The Sign." Is it really that hard to put the phone on vibrate? 3) Bitches who talk in class and in the quiet area of the library. I swear there are these two stupid fucking bitches in my Religion class who talk nonstop about ridiculous things. Sadly I cannot move because I have to be in the back corner of the class near the exit, so nobody can catch me unawares and attack me.

It either looks like the poodle is humping a long blue sausage, or is riding an intergalactic blue spaceship. Either way, it's weird. Screbant why are you wearing that?

I don't know what would possess me to take off my shirt at a party to do the ninja. I won't lie though, it was hot and everyone was scared of me. Earlier in the month I wanted to fight Ferd to the death, ninja style on Lafayette, however he got scerrrrred, but some girls on 4th floor Dunne took pictures of me, saying that ninjas are hot. We really are.


Saturday, October 16, 2004

Jen invited us over for a "surprise," and thinking it would be retaliation from when we owned her the other day, we brought cups and pots of water to pour on her.

Sadly, or not so sadly, she just made us Rice Krispy treats. But Huens probably thought, "I shouldn't let this heavy cup of water go to waste," and he poured it on her head. And another one on her chest. WTF.

Jen and Denise are really cool, I like them a lot. They didn't get mad when we owned them, didn't get mad when Huens poured water all over them, and Jen doesn't get mad when Huens takes her car out to burn out around school. Maybe they're on Prozac or something?

Levy was talking all sorts of shit on my chugging skills, but here you can clearly see that the Dr. is done while these 2 pussies are still drinking the Natty Light.

What a great picture of me. I am so in love... with myself.

I come outside to see Ray Ray throwing his phone off the landing, Screbant style. Apparently he bought a new one, and him and Morgan starting giggling and downloading ringtones. "I'd pay anything for Barbie Girl," says Ray.

Why do I look bored and insulted when I's hanging with The Great J. Screbant?

Holla atcha boi it's fucking Raymond! Everybody Loves Raymond! Except his brother.

Look at us it's like we're praising The One for showering down Nature's Nectar, Bud Light, on us. I was standing there on the landing when I had the urge to pour a beer on Jill's head, which I promptly did. But some got on Levy, who poured a beer on me. And that just escalated to include a good seven people, including a few I didn't know.

Luckily, I live here and was able to take a shower and change. The rest of these folks just smelled like beer for the rest of the night. And attracted mad bums, because beer is like the best cologne to attract homeless alcoholics.

Last caption... nothing. I am not impressing myself lately.

Here are another two that can't begin to comprehend their love for each other- Levy and Morgan. I of course called them out on it, but DENY DENY DENY, which is what you should do if you get caught doing something bad, like embezzlement. Do you think that a girl and a guy can be friends without one wanting the other at some point?

OMGHI2U!11!!1! Mary isn't a freshman, but I was looking at the freshman face book and I won't lie there are some banging girls in that there publication. One of Lauren's friends listed her hobbies as Hunting and Video Games, which I thought was pretty fucking cool, however she just wrote them as a joke. Now I'm confused. Is it better than she has a good sense of humor, or if she really did hunt and play video games. BTW this girl is a really good looking version of someone, but I forgot who I said and so did Ben. Worthless.

I won't lie, I think I'm supposed to know these two, because they knew me, but I forgot their names again. Who are they and how do they know Dr. C, XIV? I took a picture to remember, "Momento" style, however I lacked the pen and hot needle to give myself a jail tat of their names.


End of night.

Ferd is probably the most ridiculous person I know. Not only did he just get a plain omelette (who does that?) but he did something else... but I can't remember. Am I losing brain mass or something?


Tuesday, October 19, 2004

We made a pact to come to Red Lobster, and while Varni and I waited an hour for Ben to come home, Varni was getting his panties in a bunch and was bitching and bitching, Ferd style. Anyway, these two didn't really want to go because they knew I would own them, and that's exactly what happened. Before the 30 minute competition was over, they agreed to split the cost of my meal.

The original deal was the loser has to pay for everyone else's meal, however that was changed to loser pays for the winner's dinner. Here I am in top form like the hot dog eating champion Takeru Kobayashi. I ate 105, Varni- 45, and Ben- not even 45. And he threw up. Hahaha.

Then they made me pay tip, which was fair and wasn't, because I did legitimately win, however I basically dragged them here. Oh well $7 for 105 shrimp and that delicious bread is worth it. And spending quality time with one Greg Varni and one Ben Taft. One could consider that priceless.


End of night.- And no I didn't notice any adverse effects.


I walked out to take some trash out and what do I see but a swarm of termites flying out of our house... onto my fucking car!!!1!1!! Are they attracted to yellow or something? Because they all flew towards my car, and since it was wet from the rain, they stuck to it. I had a bunch of dead/squirming termites on Big Bird, so I had to move it and spray it off, and was late to class. That was awesome. And by awesome, I mean it sucked balls.

Mike Ferd says, "What the fuck? Huens is cleaning without someone telling him to?"


Friday, October 22, 2004

OK why would you ever fucking leave a piece of your shit in the toilet!!!!!!!! God it pisses me off!!!!!!! Shit is so gross!!!!!!!! This is just like the time someone shat on the toilet seat and didn't clean it up!!1!1 That was so gross I complained and complained until Huens got tired of it and cleaned it up. Good work.

Why am I here? I still can't answer that question. School sports don't interest me, unless it's Track & Field. BTW #11 on the LMU team, HI2U!1!!1

Ben, Varni and I moved up to the nose bleed seats to do some drink drinking, which was nice. Drinking almost always leads to a good time.

Ben and I moseyed over to the skybox to see if we could drink with the high society in there, but we were shunned. Then Ben's B came, and I was shunned, so I left. :-(

my name is Matt, i like guys

really muscular ones, who buy me mai tais

i get really drunk, then i start to giggle

get me on the dance floor, then i will wiggle

like a worm. do you think that's sexy

tee hee, call me by my alternate name, lexie

it's cute, just like me

give me a hug, i'll help you see

what it's all about, full of clout

i think you love me, because i pout

After teaching Jac the Blood gang sign (oh how 7th grade) she has been flashing it everywhere- The Hamptons, Laguna Beach, East Palo Alto. Just kidding about the last one she would be shot.

"2 Blondes and an Asian"

You may see this threesome at the Row, blowing kisses to all

arms linked, Gucci and Burrrrrrrrrberry shopping bags a-swinging

passersby comment, oh look, two blondes and an asian

what an interesting combination

i wonder if that one does the others' math homework

"Oh we're hungry! Tee hee!" they say, and look north, towards Blow Fish

it's trendy, ergo it's good to go, ergo it's acceptable, ergo let's go!

OMG why aren't there any hot boys?

we need to go to the hot spot with Foxy Brown

we are so over this place, what's weighing me down? oh the mace

driving home to the 'lon in the purple volvo, they pick up a pizza from the papa's

and "win a date with tad hamilton" at blockbuster

good night!

this is jenna

if you would like to make her moan

you have to buy her dinner first

and perhaps some PBR to quench her thirst

then it is on

but not like donkey kong

you don't have to jump over barrels and fight a monkey

all you have to be is a multi-millionaire, you see

Saturday, October 23, 2004

It's Geibel's Gutter Ball thing, and Bric, Dallas and Ferd E. Bird are representing Ice. Dallas won us a trip to Reno for 2 nights, and if you go with us, please punch me in the face if I start to gamble. I really can't afford to lose any more money.

my name is Mike Ferd

i'm a bird

a thing i'll drop on you is a small turd

"Fuck" is what you'll say, what an obscene word

i don't eat bean curd

otherwise known as tofu, that's absurd

what are you wearing, are you a nerd?

my name is Mike Ferd

i'm a bird

Everytime I see Ben, he's either sitting on that dirty brown chair in the kitchen with another dude, or is massaging a male individual while having him sit on his lap. "Don't fucking put that up on The House, if I see it I'm going to punch my computer!" Well Ok, that doesn't really affect me.

I was lamenting my misfortunes one day, when Huens said, "Go eat some candy, maybe some bubblegum and taffy." What great advice. And some other great advice- "Maybe he/she's just not that into you." I love it. Nobody's feelings gets hurt, and the point is clear and concise.

My pocket Asian putting his hand in his pocket. Now that I look at this picture, I see that Raymond isn't that much smaller than me. And I think he's getting annoyed at me calling him my pocket Asian all the time. The dude flipping me off was trying to get in the picture, and I pushed him away. What a douche.

This is probably the first non-homo picture I've taken of Ben, EVAR!!1!11111 Jenna Jameson though, huh? Overcompensation?

Haha here is my spy paparazzi shot of someone's new little freshman girlfriend. This stunner pulled the greatest move of the week by sleeping in the dorms; could you imagine the awkwardness that probably ensued when her little friends were like, "So where do you live? Ice House? Oh...... aren't those all seniors that live there?" Hint: His initials spell out a small mammal that lives in a cave, flies, and uses echolocation to navigate and hunt prey.

"Me! Me! OMGHI2ME!1!!!!"

Here are Dallas and Jill laughing about something, much like when I started laughing in class because Cohen once told me of his friend who couldn't get into a class and when he went to go talk to the teacher, they made a deal where if he could kick the top of the door frame he could get in the class. And he did, and got in. I think sometimes people may think I'm autistic.

I don't know why, but I have like 25 pictures of Dallas and BT. I wonder if they asked me to take pictures for their calendar they are coming out with in the 2005 or if I took it upon myself to snap the pics.

I'm going to have to say that Screbant is probably my favorite person in the world at the moment. Have you ever seen her dance? Hilarious!

Matt is one of the few people that isn't extremely put off by me incessantly repeating, "Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot. Your sister's hot."

Here are Screbant and Jill, trying to chug. Run along now little girls, the big dogs are here to GBGH.

This one weeds out all the bitches... however I wanted to race the one girl, who T adamantly believed was a lesbo (maybe he was jealous that she owned him) but she failed to deliver. :-( :-( :-(

Outcome- I won. Some donkey bet Sean a $1 that Ray would beat me, and I had to laugh at his stupidity and wish to lose a $1. You know, cause I am King... until O'Brien comes along.

I took a puff of Ray's cig, coughed for a bit and promptly threw up. Oh well at least I puked and rallied.

Before the semi finals for our chugging contest, these two were dancing like Pistol, who apparently dances like she is a drunk cowboy with fingers in the air like she's shooting revolvers around, going YEEE HAAAAAAA!

This is Pistol. And no that's not her nickname that's her actual name. She kinda looks like 8 Ball from that angle.

Ray won the final chug, and is the champion of the day. However I am still reigning Marquis, and he is my serf.

OK it's time for me to go the U by myself, however Jesus, Amigo 1 and Amigo 2 were there, so for 4 cervezas the Dr. gets 8 breast bites and beans/rice. All those 2 amigos ever talk about to me is cunnilingus, and I think if I weren't so bombed out drunk all the time, it would be a little odd. Then walking back some fag told me to go back to San Francisco and ran back to Dunne before Ben and I could catch him and piss on his face.

There are some Jehovah's Witnesses at my door, I don't like it. Little do they know that I am peeping them, and they are fucking stupid. Although everybody is supposed to get at least one visit from a Witness, I've gotten several, from the same fucking people too. They need to stop bothering the good Dr. when he is at home.

Jill wanted a piece of BT, and I don't know what happened. We'll leave it at that, mmmkay? kthanxbye.

.......................... *silence*


End of night- for me at least.


Late last night I guess the door was locked and Huens, sans key, thought that the boys were playing a trick on him, so he kept on ramming the door, and went ahead and busted the door jam. Please don't rob us.


Alright keep it real, a new update will drop next week after our Halloween party that is going to rule. Wave buh bye guchee goo!



October 24, 2004

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