Jen Gainza Is Awesome

OK so yesterday I woke up, showered, ate a pizza, and then worked on my Religion paper for 7 hours. And it's really shitty, and not even done. There are too many distractions, and that makes me sad, makes me cry, but didn't take me by surprise. I was going to buy myself a gift if I finished it, but I didn't, so I can't buy myself the gift. I think I'll extend that deadline to the end of today. Cause I really really want this gift; it would show how much I mean to me.

Oh and here are the 2 songs I have on repeat: The Killers, "Mr. Brightside" and the Linkin Park/ Jay-Z "Numb/Encore" song. I love it, but I have one critique. The Global Express is a Bombardier jet, not a Boeing. Jay-Z should know that.


Huens fogged up Ben and Andy's room. I would've been so pissed had that happened to me. He should've done it to Ferd, however he was sleeping in his room and probably would've woken up to the *hiss hiss*. There needs to be more instigation on that end, I want to see a fight before the end of 2004.

The "fog" is some weird chemical and it smells awful. So Dallas and I locked Ben and Huens in the room, which must've been death. And probably will result in their deaths soon because I'm sure that shit is cancerous like the steam that magically appears when you open a bag of microwave popcorn.

Dry ice bombs- take some dry ice, put it in a water or Gatorade bottle, pour some hot water in it, close the lid and throw it somewhere to make a big noise. We chose to throw it in Cozy's laundry room, which was awesome. "Get the fuck out there!"


Friday, November 5, 2004

It's the KAT semi-formal, Vegas themed. Here we are awaiting Charles Leone because he takes a long time, Paris Hilton style. I thought that they'd have a bus for us to take to Fiorillo's (which is a 10 minute walk, if that) but they didn't. I felt bad for me, and for the ladies that were sporting hard-to-walk-in shoes.

OK I've been trying to think of a punchline to this for a long time; can you think of one? "10 gay men walk into a bar..."

I fucking hate going to the gym nowadays because it is so fucking cold, especially at 11pm (prime time because nobody is there). You might be saying, "Dr. Chiba, XIV, why don't you wear a sweatshirt?" I don't like putting my shit in those cubby holes because enough people think I'm stylish where statistics will dictate that a few will be thieves, and nothing irks me more than having my Ross Dress 4 Less clothing gafted.

So I was in class, earlier than usual because I had gotten out of the Bio test that owned me early, reading a book, when some bitch loudly mentions to her friend that she had been having "bad craps" lately. WTF.

Jen says: "For a good time, vertical spoon with me."


Paris Hilton: "That's hot."

Nicole Richie: "Loves it."

Matt D. Cohen: "Gorgeous."

The buffalo wings were delicious, though a bit spicy. And I got really, really, really drunk, as you can see here. All while talking to this old guy who was cool. I bought him a drink, and he reciprocated. Huens was also my sugar daddy for the night. Thanks! And no I didn't reciprocate for that.

This is kinda bad, but while we were watching "The Rebel Billionaire," we were talking about trust exercises and I remembered senior year in high school we went to some forest to do trust exercises like walking across a high rope tied between two trees, (I won't lie, I was the only guy in our group who couldn't do it. How gay.) falling backwards into people's arms, and getting the entire class over some high ass wall. We had some big ones that had a bit of trouble, showing us their titties and whatnot, however at the time I remember thinking, "Next year, how the fuck are they going to get _____ up that wall?" There was this morbidly obese individual a grade below, and seriously, that would take extreme engineering and teamwork, but sometimes, some things can't be done. So I called my associate in that grade who told me they didn't go. I wonder why.

OMG I look gay in this picture. BT, see I do put up gay looking pictures of myself. Here's my subleaser Elijah. I wonder what he was doing and where he was going.

J. Screbant says: "Tee hee, Ray Ray, you always make me laugh. I love it when you do that. Touch my face. Tee hee."

One day as I was contributing to society by way of Entirenet forums, I got a text from this little one. It said, "Dude i just came across the word naivete in a text book...i had no idea it was a real word." Then... "SHIT Man u must be laughing at my naivete right now." And I was.

With the tall Bostonian Swede laughing heartily in the background, T is immersed in his sole goal of getting what he's been eyeing all night- a shiny roll of tin foil to play with like a kitten and a ball of yarn. Look at his hands- he's so excited!

I was sleeping in class again and you know when you're falling asleep, you shake? Well I shook myself awake to see the teacher standing next to me. I looked at him, he looked at me and shook his head. It was awkward, so I bounced at break.

Apparently Megan is over the age of 12, and doesn't have any piercings either. OMG that is hot. HI2U!!!!!!!!!111!1oneoneone.

Megan and I doing the signature Megan move. I don't like this it looks like I have a billion chins. I don't want a billion anything unless it's currency. And even then I don't know if I'd want a billion dollars because people might try and hang with me for my funds instead of my good looks like people do now.

 Ok so the dorm next to McLaughlin, Walsh I think, how come there are no white people in there? I walk past it every day on the way to/from class and all I've ever seen are non-white people; think MA, not SHP.

I took like 100000x pictures of Ryan and Tarantino, however I don't think Tarantino would appreciate all of them being on here. He doesn't even remember being at OTR, much less the gay gay shots I got of him. Hahaha.

Taft, Huens and I have started inviting random ass (and by random, I mean hot) people to be our e-friends on thefacebook, and usually I write a little message saying, "Hi I think you're really hot will you be my friend? :-)" The response has been surprisingly positive, and I have lots of e-friends now. That makes me very e-happy, so I e-smile all the e-time now.

Could you please wife Screbant immediately, if not sooner? kthanx. By the next update, I don't want to see a pic of you two unless she is wearing your Varsity jacket and pin, with everyone knowing y'all are going "steady."

Music comes on, the poncho comes on, and the most ADD girl I've ever met (as well as the ugliest person I've ever met hahahaha j/k) comes alive like a coin operated boy (OMG that song is stuck in my head it's soooo annoying!) with 8 Ball.


Say in a slow, slow drawl, while packing a dip: "Ehhh, you know, even if you're small, when a Pistol can drink, a Pistol drinks."


"Pistol, after you're done wiping your mouf, look at how the guy back there makes me make funny faces. I think he's hollering at my sister."

Raimondi you're creepy. If Mary and Pistol can see what I see, I don't think they'd be so enthused. That's Mary's sister in the background FYI.

Mary says: "Let's spell out my name, Bring It On style! M-A-R-R-Y. Oh wait, tee hee, I spelled 'marry' like what I'd like to do with Flavor Flav. Tee hee, whoops!"

I saw my new Mercer Island friend at The Hut, and she was like, "Hey yo I saw your website. I should be on it." I pulled out the camera and handed it to Candoo, but by that point Miriam's attention had been drawn away. What is with people and their ADD these days? I have labeled the individuals to make things clearer for you tards. Isn't this a really good picture of me? You can set it as your background if you'd like.


Saturday, November 6, 2004

I had a rude awakening by the roofers at 8:30am. I was hung over, the roofers were making a ruckus, and God was owning me yet again by way of a ball of fire called the sun shining directly into my eyes. It sucked. Will someone buy me curtains for Christmas? Anyway I had nothing to do so I went on my computer, but with all the rattling from above, my dominos on the high shelf crashed down on my dome. "Ah! My dome! My dome!" And yes do you love my sexy leg with sexy Nutcracker boxers?

Here's one of the four holes that Huens has punched in our ceiling and walls. Now you can see straight through because we are lacking a roof! That's awesome, I've always wanted to live in a house where we have to put a drip bucket on the floor because the roof is not up to code!

I was at Safeway with BDB and some girl was buying a home pregnancy test, and she was wearing a Santa Clara sweatshirt and looked pretty young. Sadly, I didn't recognize her, but I would laugh if I did. Awkward. If I were a girl and some random dude impregnated me, I would probably go like 10 minutes out of my way and go to a store where I wouldn't know anybody to buy the kit.

Snippity snappity Ray Ray morphs his hand into a gun

mickity mackity it's mack 10 with ice cube, straight out of compton

blippity blappity, blam blam he shoots you, you look at him awkwardly, and slowly turn away *he's weird!*

rickety rackity, he's out, show the stamp, refill the beer

tickity tackity, grab a white tic tac; they taste like marshmellows

pickety packity, return to the cage, where the nickels are holding it down

sickity sackity, haha watch that girl, she's fouling out, she smells... like shit

nickity nackity, some ugly girl with jungle juice all over her face like a clown's make-up gone bad is stepping on my foot and she doesn't realize it

kickity kackity, Ray wants to fight a dude who called him gay

giggity giggity giggity, it never happens

wiggidy wackity, he's still a wigger

Jacey says- "Girls have to spend a lot of money on themselves to look pretty: clothes, nails, hair and makeup. Guys don't spend as much, however it all comes 'round because guys pay for girls on dates." Profound. However with the explosion of metrosexuality, we see girly men who spend $50 for hair product and $1000/week on new clothing. Because once something is worn, it is given to the poor.

You know when it rains and dries, it sometimes smells like cat piss or dead babies or something awful? Yeah it sucks our house reeks. Will someone please clean it for us? kthanxbye.

This dude really, really looks like Steve-O. He even kinda laughs like him too. But I don't think he has a giant tatu of himself on his back, which is probably the coolest move that anyone has pulled, EVAR!!!!!1111!!11oneoneone.

I was being obnoxious (what a surprise!) and putting my bid on Mini-Mer aka Big Fiona's lip like a moustache and a little white sticker on the tip of her nose like Rudolph the Reindeer, except not really because it wasn't a red lightbulb (or I guess the world is leaning towards LEDs these days) attached to a battery pack. It was funny, to me at least.

Speaking of moustaches, ladies: if you have one, please get it waxed. Though it may be bleached, it is still readily noticeable and nobody appreciates that. I will not call anyone out by name, because I am no asshole, however I will leave you with an anecdote: Freshman year, the VDT was walking through the lounge when 2 girls were doing something. When asked, one replied that they were bleaching the other's moustache. And I won't lie, she had a heavy ass moustache, Mario style!

Bid to Pi Kappa Alpha's Jungle: $5

Huge Fendi Purse/Bag: $1587.97

Monthly Stipend for Melisa-Mae to Be Friends: $1000

Blazer from Men's Wearhouse: $60

Wearing Said Blazer Out in Public With Uggs: Priceless


Drinking during the day does this to you. So to the surprise of most, I didn't drink at Jungle. What an accomplishment.

It was an 80's themed party for Robyn's birthday (Happy Birthday!) and some certain folks were hounding me about my not obviously dressing up. I was more subtle; come on, I was wearing Lacoste, how more 80's can you get?

A word that is fucking nasty and hasn't had much play lately is "salty." Like "damn, that bitch be salty." Imma start using it more. Last night some bitch was hella salty and then I got called out for calling her out. WTF, bitches should be told when they're being salty.

I'm seriously having problems with differentiating between dreams and reality. For example (this never happened, but I want to illustrate what goes on in my awesome mind): I would be talking to Pubert about how cool the zoo was, and then Pubert would be like WTF are you talking about. It is then I realize that it was a dream, the whole zoo thing. Slightly embarrassing.

Tarantino is so cool. I'm so happy to be his friend.

NOTE: It may look like we're touching each other, but that really is not the case. At all. I swear.

Jena Malone got a new haircut. Compliment her on it. kthanxbye. Earlier today we were talking about girls and motorcyles (at Hooters, nonetheless), and I was surprised to find that her and Cristina aren't impressed with guys on bikes. I was under the impression that most people were.

Grab a pigtail, start dancing, move it around like a crank

and then people may think you're on crank

which usually leads to you robbing a bank

never the best idea, it's a heist that will quickly turn rank

when the police come, sometimes with a tank

grab your ar-15, get ready for a shoot-out, heat style

you got shot! oh noes! your body is filled with bile

from your gall bladder... killed by your own juices

HAHAHA that sucks. I laugh at your narcotics dependency.


Moral of the story: Don't do drugs, it will lead to a cop shooting your dumb ass.

Stop taking our women. Immediately, if not sooner. kthanxbye.

Sally Showman always pointing at you, saying her signature joke... What do you call cheese that's not yours? Not-cho cheese.

Relaxing after some Cluck U with 8 Ball and some Ice House residents. Bric talked all sorts of shit on thefacebook, saying it's gay and whatnot, however according to my sources he's a huge thefacebook slut now. He would be.


Friday, November 12, 2004

Ray Ray calling out suckers, even though he's on a team with all girls. But they did own; I don't think they lost once.

One of the few times that Ray can touch a girl without being pepper-sprayed and hearing the "rape horn," which is basically one of those compressed air horns.

Ray made fun of my hair saying it looked stupid, and that sucked. But here he is bowing out at like 11pm, after a chugging contest: T vs. Ray Ray vs. O'Brien vs. Dr. Chiba, XIV. Ray and I took our shirts off, and I came in dead last. That sucked too. Oh and "the dyke" wouldn't chug with us, again, because she was wrestling with Josh and she hit her dome. HAHAHA.

OK over Thanksgiving break I want to day drink either in that little park across the street from Draeger's or somewhere in downtown Palo Alto. I think that would be mighty fun. Now to recruit the locals.

Some bitch scratched my beautiful face; hopefully it won't scar thanks to quick application of hydrogen peroxide (doesn't burn like rubbing alcohol!) and Neosporin. Sophmore year I cut my face on a bramble and I was scared it would scar, but my neighbors who would later tell on me for ripping down posters had Neosporin, so I had that going for me.

Here's Amigo #2 with his brother, Amigo #4. I don't like how I don't get any hook-up at the U anymore. It was a very sudden thing, I think they all had a meeting or something. But I can't stay away, it's definitely an every Friday and Saturday type thing.

Huens had to wake up at 7 to do something for lacrosse, and at the beginning of the night he was like, "Uh I don't think I'm going to get drunk tonight. What kind of 40 should I buy?" I told him Mad Dog 20/20, which he went and bought, and then pounded. Then we went out, and he got really drunk, passing out here and then fouling out at home.

Here's little Jacey nerding it up on thefacebook making an e-connection at Harvard; you never know, e-friendships/e-stalkery sometimes turn into good things, a la YOU GOT MAIL. OMG Meg Ryan was hot, especially in IQ. OMG OMG HI2HER!!!!

I'm not over it, I can't lie.


Saturday, November 14, 2004

Great picture Mini-Mer. However, I have a quibble about that Coke. What kind of Coke is green that's gross. Do you find her attractive? Well it doesn't matter because I think she should date Mini-Ferd.

Here we are at Maples, coming from Alvisos where they were doing power hour. Someone had a made a power hour track, splicing together many songs, each a minute long, with a beer pouring sound every minute. Apparently T spent 4 hours making it. Now that is some dedication to drink.

Remember Diana the RA? 1/3 RAs that never wrote me up. That's sweet. She got herself a job, and some new glasses too. She should come hang out at the house; she's cool. Though I always remember her being taller than me. And no I didn't grow I haven't grown since like eighth grade when I towered over everyone.

Here's my main man Jesus. BTW, not to get on another tangent, but there were these 2 flies in my room today and they kept on landing on me when I was sleeping and it was unbelievably annoying. I wanted to shoot them with my 9, however they are a little too small and fast for that. Conlin tells me that flies throw up everytime they land on you. Is that true or did she pull that out of her ass?

What's fun is trying to hug little Amigo #1, he will run away and hide in small spaces to avoid it. He is really, really homophobic.

Brett said he liked spicy food so I got the U to make some 911 sauce, however he didn't eat it because he pussed out. Anyway, we couldn't let that go to waste so we tried to give it to Maider, but we woke her up and she was the mad. Then we went to Cozy, snuck in like robbers and I rubbed sauce on Jen's face as she was sleeping and ran away, giggling and giggling. After that, we went to an unnamed house, THANK GOD the doors were locked, since the girls would've been so angry. It seemed to be a good idea at the time. Finally it was 3:00am so we went back to Cozy where Verber (a perfect stranger) was sticking his 911 covered fingers in Jen's mouth, but she woke up. Oh noez!!!!!!!1111!1111oneoneone. But it all came back to me because the sauce residue was on my hands when I was taking out my contacts and my eyes burned and burned.

UPDATE: Apparently Jen didn't wash her face off because she was too drunk and woke up with a swollen cheek. That sucks.

UPDATE #2: Jen's away: "so i'm not sure which one is worse- having cluck u 911 hot sauce rubbed all over your face while passed out, or the fact that i slept through it all and woke up this morning very confused"

I should've got pictures.


End of night.


Here is one of my fans hollering at you from country code 39. Prickett, I think it should be "I love" I couldn't care less about Rome, I don't think they would understand my humour. Hahaha notice I wrote "humour" like I was British. "The Office" rules BTW.



November 14, 2004

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