What Should I Call This Update?

Sa Da Tae. So... my camera broke. This was inevitable, however I wish it had maintained mechanical perfection until a blue Sony L1 was released in the US. I had to sack up and get a silver one. MISFORTUNE2ME. From the next update on you will be seeing clearer pictures. I hope. My phone is also falling apart as well. Will the new Sanyo 5600 please come out soon? kthanx that would be great, mmmmmkay?


absolutealex has spilled on himself like a small child. A bib wouldn't have even helped in this instance. Pizza from the Bronco is surprisingly good. If I still had a meal plan I would rock one every day and then I would get really obese and then I would sue the school, making me rich, BITCH.


Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Motherfuck. I wasn't going to drink during the week, however there was more going on today than last Friday and Saturday combined, so I did what I had to do. Here's Varni, who is going to "shadow" me at our earliest convenience. By doing so, he can, dare I say... LAUGH AND LAUGH at people's misfortunes and naivete with impunity.

87.28348732747% of statistics are made up on the spot.

"And 37.532% of people believe them."- Little Benji Taft


The next morning I asked Benton what he did and he's all, "Dude I was at C&J's with you." The thing is, I didn't go. "No, you were there!" No I really wasn't. Benton was talking to some other really, really good looking Japanese guy with a backpack, thinking it was me. I feel sorry for the poor boy because he probably found it quite awkward when Andy asked him to go home with him.

Good photography skills there Matt. Oh well at least you got the winner of this chug- Mr. Thomas Huens.

Alex's moms has a picture of me on her refrigerator. That's hot, cause I have pictures of myself on my fridge too.

When you have kids do you want them to be uglier or better looking than you?

It is Dutchess Daoro and that girl that looks like Tiffany. LAFF. Remember when she posed for Playboy? She had some big ol' bewbies.

What the fuck does "brilliant" rhyme with? Oh yes, "mellisonant."

I love the BLT Sandwich. Not only does she enjoy Would You Rathers, she is the only other person I know who actively practices writing with both hands. I read somewhere that a person uses more of his/her brain when ambidextrous. Can your peanut little brain even comprehend that? I would be able to solve all sorts of medical and economic misfortunes that plague society.

They love it. I think almost every picture I have of Kristen, it is her pretending to perform cunnilingus on her girlfriend. That's hot.

Here be Andrea and Ross. But you know that. I like your glasses sir.

HAHAHA I called you two gay.

That aqua blue really brings out your HAWTNESS.

Last caption.

OMG it seems we have traveled 9000 miles to Harajuku, Japan.

You have been distant lately it makes Baby Jesus cry. But I guess he is a baby, after all.

Oh Lord it is Alpha Phi and Avril Lavigne, who wasn't surly this time as she was quite cool. Good times.

David Ray was proud that he could lick his nipple. Man boobs usually help in that department.

Flaherty and Bric were having all sorts of intense conversation. Can you guess what the subject was about? Dance parties? Hot guys? Tons of beer? Ridiculous bar? Could you ask for anything more?

This is the drunkest I've seen Dave Ray. Here he is drinking water, a faux pas at any social gathering that does not consist of super religious kids at Word of Life.

Some people's last names fit perfectly. Kelsey's last name is Waples, which is quite befitting because when I hear "Waples," I think of a small, cute little girl who likes candy- bubblegum and taffy.

I think I was openly staring at people way too much this night. Luckily I don't think that many people noticed.

Some people surprise me with their developments.

We had a chugging contest (with our shirts off, of course). But to raise the level of the gheyness, Dave Ray said we should take our pants off. So we did. I have pictures, however they are explicit in nature and they are not meant to be seen for free.

That was Bjorklund's bra I was wearing in the picture above, BTW. She wanted to chug, however she didn't want to follow the rules of shirts and pants off. So she took her bra off, but didn't chug. I am confused.

Did you know?- Meagan's eyes get bigger in pictures. For some picture, ostensibly before some dance, her moms told her date to open his eyes and told her daughter to close hers. That amuses me.

I just got a PS2. I challenge any of you motherbitches to Street Fighter. Ryu owns all.


End of night.


Have you ever seen Little Benji Taft in a hat? He looks like he's 6.

Not that he doesn't usually, but a backwards hat will lower his age by about 16 years. That will be beneficial when he evolves into that eccentric, single man who takes a liking to other people's kids.


Tahoe/Reno Weekend- January 14-17, 2005

In a small, enclosed space like a motor coach, if you don't want a certain someone in the front to hear what you have to say, text the individual sitting next to you in lieu of whispering. You won't get to practice your Horse Whisperer skills, but your secret will stay intact.

Huens ran into all sorts of misfortune on this trip, however I will not reveal them because that would be akin to me laughing at his misfortune. And since I have been in his shoes before, I cannot laugh. Huens also gets the MVP award for this trip. The motherfucker killed a fifth of Jim Beam on the bus ride up.

"You're hot, want to go in a jacuzzi?" The line was most likely used. But what goes on in Reno stays in Reno... oh noez that is Vegas. HAHA your propensity to jump to conclusions amuses me.

The Golden Phoenix was fucking ghetto as shit. They hid the entrances to the stairs and since there were only 4 elevators, it took forever to get anywhere. And here are their walls, getting "remodeled." Why can't places just accept the fact that they are ghetto and embrace it?

OMFG I am so sick. Squaw Valley was also ridiculous this weekend: such nice weather, and not too many motherbitches to get in the way of Dr. Chiba, XIV.

Me rinsed my mouth out in one of the faucets at Squaw and then Ferd noticed this sign and asked me if I had taken a drink of water. It appears the water is definitely not potable, having E. Coli and all in it. That would've been a horrible misfortune.

We all went sledding, and Gina's hair was frozen. It was comical. I like her little Lacoste beanie.

This is a picture of me stumbling around after a piece of ice flew up and hit my eye. It was not hot. At all. It would've been nice if I brought goggles.

I used to be able to pWn people at doing handstands. The hill and snow wasn't my friend though, so this one sucked. I challenge any of you suckerbitches.

Have you ever been sledding where you don't have to walk up the hill because there is a road right next to it so you can drive a car? It kinda rules. The blue sled rules too. Benton fucked himself up; he had a bulbous nose and looked like he got beat up.

You know how when you pack a suitcase for a trip, invariably when you pack to leave, it seems like you have at least 1.5x the amount you started out with? Works with cars too.


End of weekend.


Here is Sara's dirty little hamster. I used to have one named Hambone but he escaped from the palatial cardboard home I made for him with my pops. Hamsters are so weird; they have huge asses.


Wednesday, January 19, 2005

McDonald's stole Huens' line! Oh noez! It is time to sue. McDonald's Crispy Chicken sandwich and Chicken Selects with Spicy Buffalo Sauce rocks my face off. I want it, right now. Immediately, if not sooner.

It was Jena Malone's 21st and Oasis was having a junior high party. If anyone wore My Little Pony to my junior high he/she would've been laughed at with a quickness. Speaking of My Little Pony there was this one dude who played with them in first grade and we always thought it was weird... I wonder how he turned out.

Fuck I didn't picture the Gypsy Princess' shorts, they were really short. That would've gotten you expelled from my junior high. Because we wore uniforms. It was hot.

Jena Malone was being rude and not taking the gift that Ryan brought her to the dome. How rude.

Tarantino. 10pm. Pass out. 'Nuff said.

2304+20348+3134648 = MANY BALLS

This handsome fuck always has me moist. Dr. Chiba you are too great. Thank you.

T-Mo(bile) has to have some hair growing long. Since he cut his head hair, he is growing a hearty beard. When you see a cleanly shaven T-Mo(bile) with short hair, you will know that he is now growing his pubic hair. LOLOLOLOL.

I bet he likes "The OC."

I want to see a dance off. Ross is a good dancer according to Dave, so we may have to employ him to entertain us.

There was a really cool picture of us pointing at the camera, Adam Brody style, but it was blurry. Hopefully my new camera will stop those problems.

Where is your hot little friend?

Uh oh FerdiNEEDY (I made that shit up it is pure genius). Uh oh.

You may remember the ****YASUSHOUSE.COM EXCLUSIVE**** on the last update. ^-^. It's not so exclusive anymore since the subject is pictured so much. Dave, you happy you are on this update more than the last?

These two knew each other from Danville. I hope to never EVARRRR go to Danville again to see that mofo Umnitza. Hopefully my headlights will not break any time soon. That would be the suX0rs!

Caitlyn didn't really want to drink tonight, but as you can clearly tell she has not followed through on her objective. HAHA her lack of self control amuses me.

Screbanter wishes she were on the floor with one D. Ray.

That is not behavior befitting a Princess. OK are any of you friends with the Benson Baller? He amuses me; I want to become friends with him more than anything.

Angela along with Gucci Claire came up to me with "urgent matters." Apparently the imposter who put up Nicky Hilton's picture up on FaceBook was "really hurt" that I wrote that she is a stupid bitch. HAHAHA I laugh at her insecurities. How the fuck does she know who I am anyway? Oh wait what am I saying everyone knows Dr. Chiba, XIV. And then Angela (who is hot BTW) tried to defend the little one, saying she resembles Nicky Hilton. Well if that were the case, then she should have no problem putting a real picture up. N'est-ce pas?

Were you "that kid" who picked his nose and ate it? "It tastes like vanilla," said "that kid" at my school. No it was not me. kthanxbye.

This picture would've been cool... if Brittany didn't look cracked out, Dave had his eyes open, and Sara didn't have a gallon of some fluid on her shirt. The only saving grace is that I am gracing the picture.

Sadly none of us had singles so it didn't all come off.

While Andrea hops around like a bunny rabbit, David Ray rubs his hands together like he is making a fire... to cook a rabbit.

It is official. The editors of GO-SHP magazine have confirmed that the creator of FerdiNANCY (pure genius as well) and one RG are SC's new twosome. That's kinda hot.

Ok so yeah I was wrong about that one thing, however the fact remains that S. Brown is OMGHI2U caliber.

HAHAHAHA your inability to cover the small red dot amuses me. I was like, "Hey Gainza are you an Indian woman now?" referring to her new dot and what I received in reply was, "FUCK YOU IT'S A ZIT!!!" That was comical.

Do they sell clip on braid pigtails? Oh wait I guess I could buy Bric a wig. You know how he says, "What?" like a Tri Delt from USC? Well I think it would be hilarious if he said it while twirling one of his beautiful blond pigtails. Tee hee oh stop.

Mer looked kinda hot in my hat and gloves. However now I have lice, so that kinda sucks.

You know how when you bang a bottle on top of someone else's, it volcanoes? Well sometimes the bottle breaks, and here is this motherbitch drinking from a broken bottle. That could've turned into misfortune, real quick.



January 20, 2005

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