It Has Been Said I Am Judgmental

And it would make me look simple if I didn't concur.



Friday, January 21, 2005

The Cozy girls have these really tacky bracelets that say "BITCHES" in cubic zirconia that an unnamed klepto stole. So now they are obsessed with the word.

My cat drools a lot when he's happy. I don't know what I think of that.

I have a feeling that Little Strockis is in need of Ritalin. He was talking to someone, turned around, saw Tuttle's fish, got really excited and ate it. Must of been delicious. Yeah... no.

Nerd party at Das Haus, and it was the one night that I didn't have my backpack, so it was the one night that people made fun of me for not having my backpack. It seems I can only go wrong.

Did you know that FaceBook can tell which fucking house you log in from now? That is fucking insane. How does it work? And where does it say I log in from? I live at Ice yet for reasons only known to a select few I list my residence as Kappa Alpha Theta.

During Rush Benton asked some kid a very tepid and novice Would You Rather and it was *SILENT* because of the awkwardness. Then Conor saved him, asking, "Is that a Yasu question?" SAVED BY CONOR CURTIS. He's sooo dreamy...

Moral of the story: There are things you can say at home, with your housemates, but should never be uttered to people who actually respect you.

A story that makes me laugh even today: FerdiNEEDY bought some ice cream and was really excited about it. Coming home drunk one night, it wasn't in the freezer. "WHAT THE FUCK WHERE IS MY ICE CREAM" could be heard throughout Ice House and the high, shrill voice may have even reached Dunne. Apparently Huens threw out a whole tub of ice cream because it was "old." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

After much observation, I have come to the conclusion that there are 3 types of people who take forEVARRRRR at a grocery store. Here they are, in no particular order: 1. Bitchfucks who buy shit with food stamps. 2. Gay guys. 3. FerdiNANCY.

Why do good bands like the A*Teens break up so each member can go solo? It always ends up in misfortune. Dhani released his cut a while back and it sucks. Why oh why?

Alex tried to claim that he won, however his logic confuses me because I finished first, and didn't spill all over myself.

HAHAHA Bob's glasses are very feminine. That amuses me. And something else that amuses me- Tarantino manages to get so blackout drunk at least once every 7 days (that's a week) that he doesn't remember going anywhere after about 10pm. Good thing I am there to take photographic proof. One day he is going to do something very bad, and when the police come to question him, he truly won't remember, thereby saving himself the humiliation of selfincrimination.

Yeah I don't know what I was thinking. Kari doesn't look like Avril Lavigne at all. Avril's kinda ugly, and Kari's kinda hot.

I fucking hate you stupid fucks who don't read the captions on The House. Lots and lots of hard work goes into them. Looking at just the pictures; how old are you? 5? Well this caption itself is an exercise in futility since the people that need to be reading this will not be reading it, they will be looking at how nice Ben and Screbant look together. Not. MISFORTUNE2ME.

"Me fail English? That's unpossible."- Little Ralphie

Stolen from Thomas Brownlee's profile.

Damn little JC got all sorts of hot. That's hot. Harvey's hot. Hot hot hot.

On "American Idol," do you think that the really bad people are there just to try and make it on TV, even for brief period, or do you think they are so deluded that they think they are good?

I was thinking back to how in Campisi the showers in the morning would be scalding hot or extremely cold. I have a tip for you bitchfucks that still live there. When you wake up in the morning, immediately go to the bathroom and see if the water is too hot or too cold. If it's too cold, turn the hot water on full on all the showers and all the taps. Go brush your teeth, or douche, or whatever the fuck you do in the morning, and then come back in about 10 minutes and you have a nice steam room, plus showers with temperature that can be modulated. Advice brought to you from Dr. Chiba, XIV. Oh and if you haven't figured it out, if the water is too hot, vice versa BITCHES.

I think this is little JC's Mary-Kate look. I guess air has no calories. I don't know... that bitch always looks like she's going to die from malnutrition. Why doesn't she have a big belly like those kids in Africa? You answer me that smart guy.

Colleen has a theory where people like others with certain initials. I've only found that to be the case with two people. What about you? I think Colleen is a fan of M.S. Michael Sokolik- watch your back son.

Meredith has the nicest hands, EVARRRRRR!!! Actually that was a lie. The nicest hands, EVARRRRR belong to one Ted W. Merendino. I don't know how much time that motherfucker spends moisturizing and exfoliating his hands, but they are so supple if he touches you in the right place you will experience all sorts of good times. SHHHHWWWWINGGGG!

One of my housemates offered me $10 to take a shit in a diaper. Yeah I didn't go for it.

Graham looks like a cross between Grant Allison and Frankie. I had a picture of Grant on Slina's bed, however I cannot locate it since he made me take it off freshman year and I believe I threw it away. Oh noes.

It is spectacular when your professor gives a test that has some of the answers on it, plus general indicators that there was no proofreading going on there. So we have to take another. That is gay. Then he tried teaching something, but was fucking up, and had to be called out by students. I don't know whether to laugh at his naivete or my misfortune.



Saturday, January 22, 2005

It's an Ice House / Cozy / Cozy groupies dinner at Chevy's. I mobbed on the chips. Did you know- it may appear as though they make the chips in-house, but they don't. This may be privileged insider information, but I felt the need to disclose it to y'all.

Earlier today Theta was having a meeting or something in White House's (OMG what a good song without the apostrophe) backyard when Ice House rained water balloons on their unfortunate selves. I don't know how; but not a single girl got wet. Then Mike Harvey's girlfriend chased after us (that girl is in shape), was really pissed and said that she was going to call the cops on us. Oh noez!

It was at this dinner that I was repeatedly told that I am judgmental. I like to judge people on three basic criteria. Here is Jaime trying to look judgmental, but she is failing horribly.

How many fucking SC students does it take to figure out the bill?

Would you take all C's in your classes throughout college without going to one class or doing one assignment? Only catch is you have to get bombed out drunk every single night. If not, what grade would it take?

Paradise Beth's birthday. I like ballpoint pens over rollerball. So if you are ever contemplating buying me a pen, please make it ballpoint. Or pencil. I write more legibly with them.

I don't think I made Candoo too happy this night. At all.

Last caption.

Your silly little grin matches your silly little beret. HAHAHA you amuse me little Mer.

So you can look at porn on your phone too?

Mr. Pat Kelly has confirmed that he will become a rock star. We shall see, however if he does, along with smallpaul, I will leech and leech and leech. Do not worry, I am telling y'all up front, you don't have to worry about me calling you with some bullshit excuse. I will be calling for a handout when you're famous.

I tried very hard to come up with a gem of a caption for this picture, to the point where it made my mind hurt, but it just wasn't there. Ain't that a B.



Note: Sadly, some are definitely not cute in pink, and that makes me laugh.

Though colorblindness is predominantly a male misfortune (like baldness), Bjorklund also suffers from it. She thinks her hair is brown. Yeah... no.

I like this picture because it appears that I am a ghost. Do people ignore you and do you think that you are invisible? If so, that's too bad. Just don't tell me about it unless you like having Dr. Chiba, XIV laugh in your face.

I'm liking the two handed chugging. Dammit Bjorklund, you almost made me throw up.

I am so glad that the chain FaceBook messages have stopped. All it takes is one message to the offender. If you are still receiving them, here is a template you can use from me to you:

Dear _______,

Hi there! You are a stupid fuck. It is useless sending out mass chain letters to avert misfortune because fate has already dealt you some of the ultimate misfortunes- stupidity and gullibility. I am not pleased to be attending the same school as you. If you send me another message, I will take out your dominant eye and skull fuck you. That is all. kthanxbye.



Would you get offended if someone said to you, "Yeah I guess when I think about it, you are kinda hot?"

That must've been a massive pimple. I hope your insurance covers a good dermatologist. Say no to HMO.

Jesus it's like my camera has become inebriated or something. But the pictures work well blurry, because that is how my vision was after much consumption of nature's nectar.

Since none of you bitch fucks read The House MessageBoard, I will show you a post that had me all cracking up. (By BT)

"One of my favorite times was a party that was getting out of control ( well I guess that dose not narrow it down) but any way, Ben Taft and I were standing at the front door asking the stupidest questions possible; such as, What is your favorite wheelbarrow tire pressure? Or what is your favorite light bulb? How many times a year do you clean your ears? It was so fun because we were somewhat serious about it, and I think we may have turned a couple guys away because they thought they were to cool to answer the questions. Later that night Ice House did end up getting a 48 so that sucks. I guess next time we need to ask harder questions so the place does not get out of control.

We would have never done it with out the old liquid courage though, there were some scary ass people walking around that night and its kinda weird asking a man that could destroy you, if he likes ice in his cereal."

Tiffany says she's going to call me Tiffany... but that doesn't make sense, since I am not the one who looks like Tiffany. Jackie Chan, maybe.

We're not playing tennis nor basketball there big guy.

Caswell's little brother told me that he knows 1000 people like me. What is that supposed to mean? I got surly. 

If the Princess ever tells you that she "wants to do you" or "wants to be with you," relax. It is from a movie. But what if she's serious? Would that please you?

Snodgrass was falling all over the place. It was hot.




Monday, January 24, 2005

Little Benji Taft got himself a rental car. So we went driving. Here is what happened after Bric tried his first e-brake 180. That's what happens when wheel meets curb at high velocity. As we were changing the wheel, some guy was across the street, probably looking at us. There are times when a man wishes he had a CCW, and this was one of those times.

Ben almost hit a pole doing an e-brake slide. That would've made me laugh. As we were leaving we saw a red Navigator flashing its brights at the gendarmes, so we had to drive away at a very accelerated rate. It was hot.



Tuesday, January 25, 2005

It's Mona's 21st, time to get her drunk. Here is a little cake they had made from every SC girl's weekly (or for the gravitationally challenged, daily) excursions- Yumi Yogurt.

Huens asked if their bathroom was still broken, and they said, "Kinda, only pee in it." Hahaha that would make me laugh if Huens (or anyone, I guess) took a fatty dump at a get-together with a bunch of girls.

 Fuck why is my camera taking only blurry pictures? Oh yes before I forget, let me tell you about the greatest meal, EVAR. McDonald's- Big Mac (no cheese), Crispy Chicken Sandwich (no mayo, do not worry use the Buffalo Sauce), 3 Chicken Selects Strips with the Spicy Buffalo Sauce, Medium Fry. You will die it's so good. It is a good thing we have a portable defibrillator at our house.

HAHAHA Ashlee Simpson looks like one of those monkeys with the music box. DANCE, MONKEY. DANCE!

Yeah so Rachel and Gainza have really similar facial expressions. They even talk and look alike; it boggles my mind in all sorts of ways. It's like Rachel is a better looking Gainza. HAHAHA.

The guy that owns Cluck U's birthday was tonight and he was hammered. He tried to hit on Bjorklund and Biz Nasty, and his line was, "Hey yo I own Cluck U. Y'all in a sorority? You wanna hang out?" SMOOTHEST MAN EVARRRRR!!!111!!oneoneone

Mona needs to get on FaceBook, and the Princess and I conferred and decided that this would make a great FaceBook picture.

3 Wise Men make girls puke.

Good thing there is a bucket there. Have you ever seen anyone foul out at a bar, at the bar? That would be hilarity.

This was a little sketch. As you can see, the bartender wanted Mona and so they were taking pictures of her with their camera phones while picking her up. I am going to buy Mona some pepper spray. And when I say I'm going to buy her some pepper spray, I mean I'm going to suggest that she buy herself some pepper spray. Go do it.


End of night.


Benton was a superb human being and got me a personalized poster. That's hot. John Heffron and Tammy Pescatelli from "Last Comic Standing" came to our school for a show and they told the same jokes they said on NBC. I wonder if they just don't come up with new material or if they had to tone it down for our school, so went with a set that was fit for broadcast TV, which should be good enough for us- a nice, clean Jesuit university.

Lindsey Lantis among others have made fun of my tarp. Fuck you bitches I don't think you appreciate my frugality. I will hit you all in the jowl. It keeps my room nice and dark. But I am sure all of you know how stingy and tight with money I am. I am so famous for it that a certain religious group contacted me and asked me to join. I declined, cause you know, side curls don't look that good on me.



Friday, January, 28, 2005

Here's little Sam, Jeff's brother. Upon first glance, he doesn't look like Jeff, but his facial mannerisms make it apparent that they share at least one biological parent. He was very cool too, unlike many younger siblings of friends I want to punch in the jowl.

The game would be epic if they were taking real shots instead of beer shots.

Huens has laid it on out the table and says he can beat Quinn Thomas one on one. (What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan) Bric, Benji and FerdiNERD laughed at him. What do you think? Remember when Matt Lee used to holler at her? That amused me.

Charles and I tried to look all serious, but ended up looking pretty gay.

Speaking of gay, Verber is going to take us to a gay bar with Brett. Apparently guys buying Brett drinks makes him feel pretty. I want to feel pretty too.

Hayley has all sorts of interesting problems for homework. I wish my homework was interesting. Do you like Brain Teasers? I think they are so much fun. Do you have a good site for them?

Mr. James Bissin gets my "Hero of the Day" award.

The man was the drunkest I have ever seen him, and of course, I thought it would be funny to see him puke. I offered to take a pull of vodka if he did the same, and a Mr. Brian London hooked us up with Winner's Cup. I took a pull and almost threw up since I'm a woman like that. Then we thought James only needed to pound some beer, which he dutifully did, and threw up. Mission accomplished.

I woke up one morning with a song in my head. With only a scrap of the lyrical puzzle, I had been trying to figure the title for quite a while now, searching and searching on Google. The only song I found with the lyrics I knew was 411's "On My Knees." After much frustration I asked one Jenna, and she immediately knew the title: "Like a Prayer," by Madonna. Duh. IMPRESSIVE and HI2HER. It is reasons like this that she is my best girl-friend.

Good work there sir. But do not spit on my shoes again or I will strike you all sorts of ways in the jowl.

Wow someone's wide awake and not leaning on things. Good work.

I wanted to have a huge sausage fest party because of the dearth of girls out this weekend. But girls came anyway, so that idea got shat on.

Let us all take time to give many thanks to Little Benji Taft, who bankrolled the keg by himself. That was a nice gesture.

Alex believes his "Squirrel" look can rival Derek Zoolander's range of looks, from "Blue Steel" to "Le Tigra," all the way up to "Magnum." Do you think he can succeed as a male model?


Saturday, January 29, 2005

It was RUSH weekend for the sororities, so the campus was the dead. I got drunk by myself, while these two cuddled. I am very excited to know who got into which sorority and think that they should type up a roster and publish that shit on the Entirenet. That would be hot.



January 30, 2005 

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