I Am Really Good Looking

I need to start taking more candid action shots.  That way my creativity will be more thoroughly tested by being forced to write captions based on the pictures.  The whole "Hey I'm taking a picture of you, SMILE" is getting old.  It's been old since about 1923 when people got used to the new technology called photography.  But I guess it's not old if the subject is someone really good looking like um.... Lindsay R.  So when you see me with the camera, please continue to do what you're doing.  kthanxbye.

I was not bullshitting.  I got YasusHouse.com shirts made.  Here's the front, nice and simple.

And the back.  Holler at me with what size you want: S, M, L, XL.  DJ Ross, if you want one, I will send you one on me.  He is the great man who penned The House logo.

Meredith's moms found out about The House.  Am I going to jail?  I do have to this to say: what kind of parents don't think their kids drink in college?  Naivete at its finest.  Or worst, depending on your outlook on life.

Shall I send them free YasusHouse.com shirts as a sign of goodwill?

Monday, March 28, 2005

Damn Spring Break has ended.  I don't really mind coming back to school except for the fact that I now have to deal with certain people.  Damn.

"Hee hee let's go take more pictures of our white chocolate dongs sword fighting."

Why is it on nutrition labels they mark 0% of a vitamin or some other nutrient?  I mean, if it's not there, you gotta expect it to be 0%.  Or do they round down from 0.4% or something?

These two are both B.T.s.  One is a BAT, and one is something else.  Who do you choose?  Handsome bachelor #1 or handsome bachelor #2?  One will take you to NASA, while the other one will take you to Dane's house, where all the girls be chilling.  And you'll get ice in your glass.  I'm not talking about frozen water.

Some signs that you are too drunk:
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Your job is interfering with your drinking.
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were at the bar.
At AA meetings you begin: "Hi my name is... uh..."

Self portraits are hard to take.  I have mastered the art with a tripod though.

OMFG they're gorgeous!

If you take a picture like this... 

You'll get looked at like this. 

Damn Huens quit making it so obvious.  You might get served a sexual harassment suit.  YOU GOT SERVED!  And we're not talking about street dancing with Omarion.

I said, "HA!  HA!  You have a small penis."

Then Lindsey laughed and coyly uttered, "No..."

At the Fairmont Kelsey told me to get the fuck out, and as I was about to leave she giggled, "Tee hee I was joking."  Ohez.  People have sincerely said that to me, so I never know if they are being genuine or not.  I just don't want to be made to look the fool.

Is being called kinda hot > nothing at all?

So yeah Tina Fey is my new favorite person.  Please don't tell her I want to keep it a secret.

Eurotrip was a great movie.  "I once watched a gay porn.  I didn't know until halfway through.  The girls never came.  THE GIRLS JUST NEVER CAME."  HA!  HA!  GAY PORN!

I'm thinking of making a "Best Of" update to highlight some of the gems that have dropped over the years.  Would that be worth my valuable time?

"Meagan, here's some good advice bestowed to me by Patrick, age 10: Never trust a dog to watch your food.  Oh and from Amir, age 8: You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk."

dave ray just grabbed my boob
but he fucking mashed on it, what a n00b
the authorities definitely need to be notified
but you know what they'll say.  PICS OR BAN.  evidence.  solidified.
digital cameras and other advances in technology pWn me, not j00
after a sweet jury conviction, san quentin > dave ray, oh and bubba > dave, that too
dave's a little too that for me.  the what?  the emo.
thinking about it now, i should hook up with his friend, T-Mo
maybe if i keep looking at his hand, giving it time
he might say it.  omghi2u.  and that's the end of this rhyme.

Is one side a ring side and the other a bracelet side?

When riding in a car designed for a maximum of five with 7 other people, make sure you push your way to a spot with a seatbelt.  If there is an accident, it would be a misfortune to be PARALYZED.  Sorry that was morbid.  Sorry.

sitting in class, i drank last night, i'm tired
some chemicals and such are required to make me wired
napoleon dynamite, nappy d, he likes ligers
people say ADD is a disease, no they're just stupid
and enjoy living life supine
a sharp desk edge, no mousepad, my wrist hurts
i wonder whatever happened to sabrina kurtz
maybe she works on the line to make certs
or perhaps a call girl, a lady of the night
one with a job to do, one who flirts
not only with disaster
but with the johns, the tricks
they're customers

WE GOT AN A!  This helped my 3.5 GPA.  I love you Dr. Chiba, XIV.

If what Milo told me is true, I am very impressed with some of the deeds this man right here has accomplished.

End of night.

These old school urinals trip me out.  They stick out far enough that someone unaccustomed to running water may drop a deuce in it and think nothing of it.  I would laugh my ass off if I ever saw that.  kthanx.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Someone got really, really thin without the help of crack and crystal meth.  Good work.

Put Erin and Huens in a locked house together for a month.  Wait.  Video tape.  Watch video tape.  What do you think you will see?
That's right. 

One cannot find Bud Ice just anywhere, so I have been going to SC Liquors for my fix.  Bringing it up to the register, the guy blurts out, "So you're the other Bud Ice guy!"  Um yeah.  I guess only one other person buys Bud Ice, so the liquor store buys it from the supplier just for him.  Now they have another hungry liver to feed.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

This is the worst America's Next Top Model to date.  These bitches are so dumb.  And more importantly, NOT HOT.  Every time Tyra Banks shows up in their apartment they start giggling and falling over themselves.  You'd think after spending weeks with her, they'd lose their propensity to be star struck.

This girl is fucking gross she has some weird skin disease and her face is peeling off.  DAMN.

I want Kahlen to win this one.

this is a list, kevin bric, good shit
a common address, the guys become tightly knit
a welcome home, a smile, a hi
a feeling that may turn me bi
payments sent to the utility company for an appliance useless
just ask and you will have some beer, what goodness
cut, bring to boil, spice, simmer.  meticulous culinary events on dirty white tile
hungry?  he has a sister, he'll share.  you don't need a pizza, put down the phone, don't dial
my car is small; large things, people and animals don't fit... see?
before the love machine died mechanically, the keys were offered readily
and finally, the last trait, the opposite of me, a pessimist
north, south, sweet, bitter, ravishing, hideous.  balance is what i need, an optimist

I thought that Sierra's little friend looked like her other young padawan, Summer, however after staring for a bit I realized my error.

Oh what a good girl, reading while her friends are all drinking, groping and being groped.

And drinking water too (shhh it's straight Gin).  Wow Meredith you are the gift that just keeps on giving.

Marina made the comment that Jeff is gay.  Like a conniving, gossipy girl, I immediately told a belligerent Jeff.  "Marina, you think I'm gay?  I think you're a HUGE BITCH."  Yeah wait I am not positive if that adjective was interjected, but I digress.

Does anyone know any of the dudes that are living in Ice House next year?  I would like to sell some of my fine goods to them.

Do you like the ghetto ass braids I hooked Boat Basin up with?  It is a good thing that most girls can braid their own hair.

Aaron Carter says:
too hot.  lookin' fantastic
no nips or tucks of plastic
the way she works her magic
she's got me like an addict
i'm not a dreamin' or fantasizin', this could mean
gotta move on, gotta play the field
gotta be strong, no time to heal

OMFG this was a moment that was deliberated for eons in the heavens and sent down to yours truly.  Suzie and Suzie II really, really need to get married.  Or at least become best friends.  WAIT.  DANGER WILL ROBINSON.  WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE BACKGROUND?

Hrmmm this is a surprising turn of events. 

End of night.

After a night of debauchery and general misconduct, are you ever surprised to wake up and find all sorts of stains on your clothing?

Friday, April 1, 2005

Mr. J.F.R. Calvani is in Seattle right now with Cohen and Striker and I want to be there.  If this weren't the first weekend back, I would've flown up.  Damn.

Wait why are we all up here watching Kelsey take a shot?  Is she Christian Scientist?  A Mormon?

Oh noez she is drinking some dirty tequila that Dirty Dallas brought home from Mexico.  It has a cute little cobra in it.  Remember Cobra Commander from G.I. Joe?  Him > You.

Tonight we heard just about the funniest thing I've heard all week.  Talking about the loss of innocence, a certain someone said, "He could've kabob'd me."  HA!  HA!  KABOB KABOB KABOB

It's April Fool's.  How did you get punk'd this year?  A Nigerian prince offered me millions of dollars if I helped him by sending a couple thousand, so I did.  How are all Nigerians SO RICH?

Avril Lavigne, Let Go, Track 6.

The coloring looks nice.

It was a toga party at the GC, however we thought it was an April Fool's joke so we didn't dress up.  We were told to leave, but yeah no.  During break they told Megan Conlin to wear a toga to their toga party... and when she showed up, she quickly realized that she'd been duped.  She was the only one in a toga.  That is what naivete and gullibility will do to you.

Why don't younger siblings like to be called Little something?  I then offered Medium Raimondi since Megan is Malcolm in the Middle, but then was refuted because she said it made her sound fat.  Well at least she doesn't look it.  She's .

Who let high schoolers in?

Living proof that one should politely decline Botox injections from some dude named Colonel Beef Wellington outside the liquor store.

Wait who is this girl and why is holding a false idol?  Moses will not be too pleased with her.

Wait who gave this fifth grader beer?  It will stunt his growth.

"And that Kyle is why it's kinda OK to put gum under a table, but not your boogers."

It's rude to point at people.  That being said, Dirty Dallas has no more class.  That's right all he has to do is bum around and drink some ackahol.  Damn that's the life for me.

TRUCE.  But what about Gucci Claire? 

Somebody who has such awful taste in guys should not be calling me out, EVARRRRR!11111!oneoneone.

UPDATE: I just realized that this comment makes me look gay.  Eriko was laughing and poking fun at my choices in WOMEN.  ^-^

"Batman!  They're signaling you!"
"Wait we're inside how can you tell?"
"Do ruffies cause hallucinations? 
"Oh I forgot to tell you I'm schizophrenic."
"Oh damn."

(People call Jon "Batman").

Last caption.

"Damn you're hot."  "Damn so are you."  SEX NOW.

Ew why is she making that face?  I will destroy her.

I have heard great things. 

I think we were trying to flash gang signs or something.  As you can see, it didn't work out too hot.  But that might be a good thing because THUGS were walking past us and they might've gafted my jewelry at gunpoint.

Miriam said that I am trying to grow an Asian mullet.  Damn.  Damn.

Hey yo I haven't flashed AP in fucking years.  That takes me back to 8th grade with one Dino Oledan and Michi Abe.  I wonder what those fools are doing.

Well this is good news.

If this is true, it must've been HUGE to put fear of being kabob'd in "a certain someone."  (Shhhh it's Mer).

After some delicious sex these two passed the fuck out.  How nice.  Then I tried writing on Gainza but received a huge smack to the dome.  That takes some skill to swat away potential harm ASLEEP.  Yet she still got 911 sauce rubbed all over her face.  And in her mouth...

Saturday, April 2, 2005

"Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars.  Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view."

Here's Caswell's 17 year old sister.  It amuses me that none of the Caswell children look anything alike.  And by amuse I mean I feel that infidelity is wrong.

"Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally."

It was fucking freezing so I asked this man to bring me a sweatshirt, however he either forgot or felt that I am not good enough to wear his Ralph Lauren Purple Label.  What a slap to the face.

Molly's hot.

"Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books.  Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know."

Caitlyn's hot.  Tarantino's hot.  His sister.

Damn weren't we supposed to go to Quizno's today?

* > emo.  That is all.

I am very surprised at the number of people I don't know who view The House.  At Ben and Bric's work, guess what the screen saver on one of the computer is?  Yeah this picture.

Hey yo look it's Steve-O!

Just for old times' sake.

"Shhh please don't tell anyone I'm a lesbian."

Sure thing Ellen.

Why are they in such nonconforming attire?

I distinctly remember Meagan's eyes being blue, but they are definitely green here.  I asked her about it and she said that her eyes change color.  At the time I thought it was some impressive X-Men type shit, but now I realize that they have colored contacts now.

I really need to stop making retarded bets.  Last night I bet Ben $20 that Catholicism isn't a Christian religion.  At times I am too stubborn for my own good.  That was definitely one of those, "Here can I give you money?" sort of bets.  Well at least he can put it to good use and take Caitlyn on a date.  Maybe the zoo?

k it's ready.

April 3, 2005

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