Global Pyramid Schemes

I think my skin is exuding massive amounts of salt or something because when I take out my contacts my eyes hurt.  And yes I wash my hands thoroughly every time.  Did I get a disease from a neighbor?  Oh BTW Alex got a PSP and that shit is ridiculous.  Go get one immediately, if not sooner so I will have more people to bum one off of.

Some of you are confused by my "Last caption" captions that grace almost every new update.  It's when I can't think of anything clever, but still want the picture on there.  So if you're a "Last caption," be flattered.  Be very flattered.

This game is addicting as fuck.  I kept on dying around Day 10 until I figured out that the key is to stock up on Gunmen.  Then it was too easy.  By this time the game was just getting repetitive and I was also getting carpal tunnel syndrome.  My wrist hurt so bad from clicking so much.

I guess it's kinda hot.  SIG PI SCU OMGHI2U.

This fucking thread had me laughing for days.  "told i resemble 50 cent- what do you think... i'm the one with the blue shades"  LOLERCOPTER.  Who knew meat heads were so funny?

Why did our little gardeners throw all this away in our dumpster?  What the fuck now we don't have room to put our trash in.  Well I guess I can't complain since the kids are like 14 and 10.  They have much to learn.

Just a hypothetical: Let's say you go to the gym and come back dripping with sweat.  What would your first priority be?  Shower perhaps?  They breed them differently in Half Moon Bay I guess.

I'm sorry for laughing at your misfortunes.  Have fun on your date.  kthanxbye.

Thank God.  I thought they had gotten rid of On Demand dating, however they just moved it to the "Lifestyle" category.  HA!  HA!  This girl looks like Jessica Van Dyke.  But black.

Friday, April 8, 2005

Ew what are you pointing at?  Medical misfortune?

Well at least you're kinda hot.

Drinking a gallon (128 oh zees) of beer.  The Hut didn't let them take it in because that would take from their liquor sales.  Always thinking about the bottom line, they are.

Me likes the Hermes that you have on there Mel.  By the way, isn't it really bad netiquette to suddenly sign off when talking to a Marquis on AIM?

Why is it bad to induce vomiting when poison is accidentally ingested?

Try to scam a back rub from Candoo.  She has really strong thumbs, so that's hot.  And looking crazy in pictures is hot too.

Saturday, April 9, 2005

Gainza found a perfect place to take Meredith for dinner while browsing the SC FLEX website.  We had been planning to do this for a while, and I was quite anxious.

We didn't really know where it was, just that it was on El Camino, so we were going to blindfold Meredith so she wouldn't know.  But she didn't like that idea because it reminded her too much of her childhood, so covering her eyes with her dirty little hands sufficed.

I've realized that Mer and Jen are some of my favorite people at SC.


"He could've Kabab'd ME!!!"

Mer fancies herself a graceful sylph, however that is near impossible when standing next to the Kabab Korner van.  She should become their spokesperson.

Apple Martinis and mascara don't necessarily make a man gay.  (Yeah actually they do.)

One is allowed to take pictures and video of people in public places, but why on TV shows liked Punk'd, they blur some faces out?  If it's an actual TV show do releases need to be signed?  Is that why on the news they frequently show only the neck down?

You want to hear a funny story?  2 years ago one of my friends wanted to wife Sami, the girl in the middle (please don't confuse with the little girl on the right in the white).  Anyway, shit drunk one night, we go up to her room and bang on the door.  She peeks her head out and goes, "Guys, I'm kinda busy right now, can you come back later?"  I pushed my way in like the po-lice with a warrant to see a big black man putting on his socks.  I look back at my friend to see the most surprised expression, EVARRRR.  I laughed and then cut out.  kthanxbye I've bloviated.

You know how people say, "Learn Latin!  It will help your English!"  Well if you fucking took the time needed to learn Latin to work on your English, I'm sure your English would improve quite a bit.

Monday, April 11, 2005

"Uh, so yeah... last night when I told you that I pick my nose and let my dog eat it, I was kidding,  mmmmkay?"

It's Lizzie McGuire's 21st!  Oh how fast time has past; it seems like only yesterday that Lizzie was shopping for her first bra with Miranda and Gordo.  Wait I actually don't think Gordo was there.  That would be awkward x 9000.8378.

It was a Chicago themed party, and I brought a package of hot dogs because people from Chicago really like hot dogs.  Here's Huens dressed as R. Kelly.  Thankfully, he did not do anything inappropriate.

A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April Fool!"



I just finishing watching a documentary on victims of brain trauma caused by drunk driving.  It seems that the driver is almost always OK, the passengers not.  So this leads me to conclude that if you're going to be drunk driving, make sure it is you that is driving and not someone else.  We all want to be safe.

What's the best form of birth control for Boat Basin?
Her personality.


"I won't lie, that last caption was pretty tasteless Yasu."

I've come to the realization that my insults are like most people's compliments: said without much meaning or thought.  But the flip side of looking like an asshole is that when you hear a compliment from me, you know it's true to the game.

So wait back up the bus.  Why is Lizzie McGuire wearing a cow costume?

Flip Cup time.  I am fairly certain that our team did not win even 1 game.  That's really pathetic.

And our team.  Notice Kelsey.  I didn't know Michael Jackson was from Chicago.

"Yeah I rigged up a tube and a bag... not really that big of a deal.  Keeps me warm too."

I think that dude in the middle is a little too into Brandon.  Sorry Mer, he's just not that into you.

I bet Lizzie McGuire and 8 Ball were really cute as kids.  That can sometimes lead to unfortunate situations if you know what I mean.  Morbid.

"Yasu, this is Sid.  Sid, this is Yasu."  I would never have imagined that Dirty Dallas would have one of those small yappy dogs.  Who knows?  In a few years I may see him on TV in a dog show with his delicate poodle.


I was pointing out to Jill that she looks half Mexican.  She was confused by my comments.

"We're white, Yasu.  Mein Fuhrer!  I CAN WALK!"

Ben buys really tight shirts.  I don't know how I feel about this.

Someone, for an unknown reason, was definitely not pleased with me tonight.

"Call on meeeeee, call on me.  Call on meeeeee, call on me..."

"I'm the same boy I used to be."

So the rumors are true.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Look at Gina's shoe.  She did not buy it as a joke.  It really gives new meaning to "dual-purpose."

WTF.  You can make party invitations on FaceBook now and see who's going.  It's like Evite, but better.  It's like our very own DAVISPARTYSCENE on AIM.

"Remember when Uncle Buck used to do this to us before his iron vacation?"

"Yeah that was good times wasn't it?"

YEAH NO.  Why do you stick your thumb out?  Practicing your hitchhiking skills to be the next Colleen Stan?

(YEAH NO)^9.

Pastel colors and popping collars is hot.  Yeah no.

Well HI2U too. 

Recently, when a girl (or some guys) goes to give me a hug, I will just stick out my hand to make things nice and awkward and uncomfortable as possible.  Awkwardness is next to godliness.

Fat people must take forever in the shower.  Look how much mass they have to clean!  And to get under those rolls... talk about an exercise in futility.  How much lint and other general nastiness do you think accumulates in the rolls of fat people when they don't bathe for a long time?

Going along with the whole fat thing, fat people must be the most creative people, EVARRR.  Think of all the utensils and tools they have to design to do the most basic of things- wash oneself and wipe anally and/or vaginally.  DAMN.

AW how cute.  Roomies next year!  We can expect much pillow talk and pillow fighting from these two.

Molly has great taste in music.  Hanson?  Backstreet Boys?  Pretty soon we will hear her singing "I Promised Myself."  (That's an A*Teens song for all of you out there older than 13 and male.  kthanxforlooking!)

I just saw Fever Pitch and I am going to go on record and say that Drew Barrymore is one of my favorite celebrities.  Along with Gwyneth Paltrow, Sylvester Stallone and Steven Seagal (is he still alive?).


That's a hot braid there Lisa Simpson.  Good work Dr. Chiba, XIV.  Why THANK YOU.  Too bad there were no rubber bands to preserve my fine work.

Molly choosing not to sport lots of jewelry is quite refreshing in these contemporary times when it is all about the BLING BLING and spending upwards of a ticket on certain pieces of hardened carbon and atomic number 78.

Bric leads a wonderful life.

Diogo doesn't drink.  Being in social situations and not drinking the sweet, sweet feelings of ackahol?  That concept is foreign to me.

So yeah we just ordered Domino's new Cheeseburger pizza.  "Tastes like a cheeseburger... only better because it's a pizza!"  HOORAY!  I just ate a huge dinner.  What's wrong with me?  Oh gluttony.  One of the seven sins.  What do you think is the worst: gluttony, greed, lust, pride, envy, anger or sloth?

UPDATE: It wasn't that good.

Speaking of food, the new Burger King commercials, though a little preposterous, advertise probably the best breakfast sandwich EVAR conceived: bacon, sausage, egg and cheese.

SHIT I thought up a whole MasterCard "Priceless" parody but after some thought found it inappropriate (yeah it was that bad if you can imagine).

Smilies rock your face off.
When P. Kelly gets a
, he goes and rushes home to and post on his LiveJournal to tell the world about his endeavors.

If you are ever murdered, the last thing facial expression you will see will probably be something like this.

"Look!  No split ends!"

Courtesy of Mer: "Molly called Ms. Cleo but all she could tell her was that she was incredibly good looking and liked to tell dead baby jokes... but that's nothing we didn't know before... Ms. Cleo is a rip-off!"

That's why she got sued.  Maybe I should hire Mer to be on the staff.

I sure hope this isn't what I think it is.

Wow.  That was a pretty long series of Molly pictures.  That's hot.

It was all about Ben Taft's bar tab.  Thank you and we should do this again soon.

Bjorklund is no longer a DirtyGirl.  What do you think about that?

SHIT.  I caught some more flak from another supporter of the girl who put a picture of Nicky Hilton as her FaceBook picture.  She was like .  WAS IT THAT BIG A DEAL???    Yeah no.  kthanxbye!

I got really drunk and did not make it to class.  That sucks; I was planning to make this another quarter where I didn't miss any class.

End of night.


Meredith sent me this picture because she thought it was CLEVER.  It is pretty heart warming, especially when driven by a huge, smiling Arab man.

April 14, 2005

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