It Would Be Funny If I Had A Huge Mustache

Huens had the bright idea for an update: write captions for pictures of porn.  That would be fucking hilarious.  The House staff can praise hot porn stars and laugh at the misfortunes of those that contracted AIDS from double anal penetration.  And we can compare them to the Cozy girls.  That will be scrumtrulescent.  But my web host doesn't allow for "adult" content, so I may have to find a new one to make this gem happen, which is kinda convenient since I need more bandwidth.  The House is BLOWING UP.

Ben returned the 65" Toshiba Rear Projection HDTV and bought us a 50" Panasonic Plasma HDTV.  Out the door price?  6 grand.  And of course, when you're rocking a plasma, you have to mount it on a wall.  Or if you are a cheap asshole like me and don't want to pay for the mounting kit, a shelf works too.  But we're Ice House and there has to be some ghettoness in this whole situation, so cables are EVERYWHERE.

Parking in our driveway is ridiculous.  If you are going to visit and decide to drive, PULL IN all the way.  Yeah, just like that.  There is absolutely no reason that you should block everyone else, especially if you've been told before.

LMAOPLANE.  This picture warms my heart because it makes me laugh so much.  Maybe my theory of girls peaking at 16 is wrong...   No but seriously, if I'm wrong, I don't want to be right. 

Friday, April 29, 2005

I haven't been on my bike in forever.  Let's go ride bikes around campus, packing a lipper of course.

Here is Jen's brother.  He looks like Dan, Dan the C-Walking Man, and that is great.  And the siblings are both very nice individuals.  Their parents raised them right, unlike your cocaine addicted mother and felonious father.

"Look at these balloons!"

Oh you mean the ones with water in them.  LOLLER SKATES.  (Means time to LAFF).

"Why am I pictured with folk bereft of ridiculously good looks on par with myself?"  Perhaps you need Sparkles, professional male model.  If you get that reference, pat yourself on the back and continue to keep it real.

I noticed that my tongue doesn't quite fit my mouth; it keeps wanting to push through my teeth.  I wrote about my little observation in an AIM away, and Bjorklund said that is one physical characteristic of Down Syndrome.  I looked that shit up, and I have other traits. 

SHIT I lost again to this nog.

Dave says: "Shoulda.  Woulda.  Coulda."

If I made some pruno would you drink it with me?

It may look like I am groping 8 Ball's bewb, however the shutter closed as I was in the process of reaching for Dave.  Keep your hands to yourself!  <--- Advice that will keep you out of jail and out of the Megan's Law registry.

Could I please breed with you?  And please don't be intransigent.  kthanx.

"Smell my fingers."

"OK but not the pinky."

Don't sin.  Or else you might get a handwritten note from God saying, "Don't make me come down there."

In Serene's right hand, she holds the braid that 8 Ball did.  The other hand holds my braid.  Which do you think is better?  I like mine because it is nice and thick, just like my old au pair Heidi.

Wow that was quite a sequence of not-so-serene Serene.  How many other people do you know that are named for a state of mind?

"I interviewed Tom Cruise.  I am awesome; get the fuck away from me because I am more important than you."

Mary and her sister.  Putting theory into practice.

Do you have friends that are adamant they aren't gay, but you just KNOW they are?  Well case in point: Jay and Alex.  They are so gay for each other it should be turned into a reality show on Bravo called GAY2GAY: Alex and Jay 2 U.

It is no secret that here on The House we enjoy beautiful people, especially the ladies.  Here is the epitome of the HAWTNESS at SC, one Ms. Danielle Johnson and Lindsay.  This is probably one of the greatest pictures that I have ever taken.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Though I was not invited to play, some of my housemates along with some people I know and don't know played sloshball.  Basically, kickball, but without the heated fervor of little kids at recess, and with a keg at home plate.  Finish your beer before running home.

Mer and Jen turn 21 one right after the other.  That is trouble.

Here we are at Chevy's, where it took just about 2 hours to finish the meal not because we are gluttonous folk, well most of us anyway, but because the service was fucking terrible.  And no I didn't tip.  kthanx.

What a depressing ass job.  They invest 3 weeks to learn a skill that really is pretty fucking useless, and only works for tips.  That sucks.

They popped the hat as well as the dog that I had made for me.  Do you think that hurts the balloon guy's feelings?

I am no longer allowed to touch Jen.

Yeah no not so much.

Ashley, I think you're hot.

Doesn't it look like a onesie?  Dave needs a headband and wrist bands to make the ensemble complete.  I forget- did you have matching shoes too?

Don't look so surprised; you're on the Entirenet now.

I am constantly afraid of a small bird flying into my eye.  Is that bad?

What a random, random group of people that was partying over at Ice tonight.

Our Flip Cup team rocked faces off.  I don't think we lost once.  That's what happens when you roll with teammates who can hit it THE FIRST TIME.

Sunday, May 1, 2005

Gainza's 12:01.  Though it is inevitable, I have to say, don't embarrass yourself.

This was probably one of the more foul things I've seen.  Jen wanted some gum because she reeked of vomit, and I was reaching to give her some when Jamie gave her gum that she had been chewing.  That is disturbingly gross.

Sara and Yasu's free advice to you: Don't drink so much that you piss yourself at the bar.

Apparently Joshie-poo was offended that I called him a troll that lives under a bridge.  I apologize, I may have gone overboard trying to contrast two drastically different individuals.  Josh is no troglodyte; he is more of a figure like this and lives in a house like this.

Dancing by yourself, in an empty bar on Sunday in sweats?  That's hot. 

Note: Unless you are one of the Top 20, you probably can't pull it off.

As Ben and I were leaving we saw that this man had a tad too much to drink.  He was puking all over the hood of this car and rolling around in it.  In the Democratic Republic of Congo, that's considered hot.

Monday, May 2, 2005

This is what you look like after a night of drinking 21 shots, passing out and then waking up at 10am to start drunk dialing people.  Needless to say, "heinous love slut" is an appropriate term here.

Here's my two part birthday present to Jen.  A book on how to orgasm each time (she suffers from FOD), and a framed picture of Huens for a visual aid when he is away on business and she is flying solo.  You would not believe how hard it was to find a heart shaped picture frame.

Tarantino's 12:01.  Happy birthday; let's drink some Jager.

We had 8 on 8 Flip Cup for a couple games, but that many drunk people and organization doesn't work so hot.

Aw how cute.  For my birthday (which is coming up by the way), I would like to have a birthday pizza, not a birthday cake.  I hate cake.  And I hate cookies.  Basically anything you bake in an oven.  I do like bread though, so maybe not anything.

THE WINNERS again.  Half cup 3 on 3 Flip Cup.  (Angela + Petersen + Dr. Chiba, XIV) > (you + 2 of your homoghey friends).

21 shots.  Done and done.  Time to go to the bar.

And... goodnight to you.

Wednesday, May 4, 2005

You know how there's that pick up line: "Can I buy you a drink?  Or do you just want the money?"  Well Jac asks me for a drink, and after waiting for the bartender for a bit turns around and says, "Wait just give me the money." 

I've drank every night this week.  Damn it's like freshman year all over again.  VDT VDT VDT.  Oh and big ups to BAT and Huens for rocking

Thursday, May 5, 2005 (OMG 05/05/05)

This girl looked wicked familiar, and then she's like, "Sup nigga I was at your party last year MANG!"  SHIT that's right.  This is Dave Ray's girlfriend, however Dave never made it.  If you recall from my invite, I dreamt up three conditions where if you RSVP saying you can come, but you don't, I wouldn't get butt hurt, which included pregnancy, tuberculosis or becoming bankrupt, but I should've added the one that put Dave Ray out of action.  He was in jail.  HAHA.

I haven't drank on a Thursday in forever.  Come to think of it, I haven't drank daily in forever too.

Dave Ray's 12:01 and a party at OTR, one that could be heard and seen from Lafayette.  That's hot.

SHIT Mary's hot.  Anyway, our Flip Cup team probably would've won more games if it wasn't for the awfulness otherwise known as Mer-Maid.

Wow Dave has this many friends?  Impressive.

That is a rather large floral arrangement in your hair there Wieland.  Speaking of Wieland, a friend of a friend met Scott Wieland (of Stone Temple Pilots fame) in jail, and Scott showed him how to make a fifi.

The gayness is strong in this one.

beautiful.  adj. 

1. Having qualities that delight the senses, especially the sense of sight.

2. Excellent; wonderful.

The Claran had the gall to kick the best looking girl at SC out because she had a Natty that was smuggled in.  I do that shit all the time.

Apparently I have attractive friends.

"Yasu hold my purse."

NEGATRON.  The Marquis of Oxenford will never be seen holding a purse.  Fap fap fap.

Is it bad that I've been awake for about an hour, but am tired?  I think I'll go back to bed.  YES.  Sleeping is great.

Cozy is rocking it out with a terrible, terrible rendition of 'N Sync's "Tearin' Up My Heart."  Karaoke rules.

Ved, it appears that your cherry flavored ruffies have done the trick.

Looks like someone's found a new breeding partner.

"I lost my _____ to your cousin!"

Think about it and solve the puzzle.  You don't lose your keys to someone.

Friday, May 6, 2005

You know that back corner at OTR where everyone (well everyone with a dick) pisses?  Well it was all wet and I ate shit back there, so I won't lie, I was kinda covered in urine and received a hickey-like injury on my neck.  And if I wiped something on you that night, now you know what it is.  LMAOPLANE.

What the fuck I got way too drunk.  I didn't leave my room until 4:48pm and felt like ass until about 7pm.  That sucks.  As Conor says, "The amount of liquor I consumed would've killed a small to medium sized Asian family."  Wait that doesn't make sense if I say it. 

Saturday, May 7, 2005

Flip Cup, guys against girls.  But they have 7, and we are rolling with 5.  So 2 of us gods will have to do double duty.

"We're like night and day, white and black; but what we have is a perfect match.  When I say this, you say that, but love comes easy cause opposites attract."

That's cute.

The campus was dead this weekend because of the Pike event and Mother's Day.  We create our own fun.  And no, sadly nobody invited any of us to the formal.

Because we are so good, we had to mix and match genders.  Kevin and Kelsey were team captains, and they picked teams like in kickball.  I laugh at those who got picked last.

That is a heinous burn.  What kind of 1920s bathing suit were you wearing to obtain that?

I was visually telling Huens I was going to kill him by doing the slit your throat gesture, but apparently I did it with my whole body so it looked really gay.  That's too bad.

That's hot.

I am a damn good looking dude.

OMGALL3CONNOLLYSISTERS2U.  That middle one is 15 (marinating) and no we did not offer her anything to drink.  There has never, ever been a time when 20+ year old guys offer a 15 year old girl liquor and have it turn out to be a legal, fun situation.  It's either one or the other.  We chose to be safe from prosecution.

HAHA it looks like these two have jaundice.

When someone tells you that he is rolling with 2 hot Polish chicks and that someone is Ved (not pictured), don't believe him.  It was not hot.  At all.


May 8, 2005 

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