Graduation is fast approaching, and I don't like this.  I do not want to become an adult, a real person.  Back when I started college I smugly thought I'd have all my shit together, but I don't.  At all.  If any of you can find me a job in Finance, holler at me.  But as far as plans go, I think I will be moving back to Japland for good.  Unless you find me some trashy slutter that I can marry for 3 years.  Then I can stay for good, which definitely opens up some options for me.  Enough of this depressing talk; please enjoy pictures and commentary of my friends and me abusing depressants.

May 14, 2005

Stricker is the greatest man of all time when drunk off Jack.  The only person to EVER grace the front page of The House, he is very advanced.  I had been anxiously awaiting the day when the majority of the VDT would land in SC- Cohen, Jake and Stricker.  The day is here, and let Aaron take down some J.D.  For those of you in my Screen Writing class, "James Hartmann" was actually Aaron Stricker.  After speaking with several of my associates, I have decided to keep some of the new Aaron Stricker stories off of the Entirenet.  But I would be happy to tell you in person.

When Cohen and I were roommates, we lived next to Mer in Campisi.  But because she was a gigantic bitch and we were shy, timid, sensitive guys, we did not get along.  At all.  While she was being extremely promiscuous, bouncing balls (organic and sporting LOLERCOPTER) on the walls and generally being obnoxiously loud, Cohen and I quietly did homework and watched television while studying the Bible.  (He studied Torah).

It oft makes me laugh when I think back to old times when we were young and impressionable, these two were roommates, and the VDT still ran things with impunity.  Damn I miss the VDT.

While at Henry's (the Mexican place, not some dude's house), Cohen out of the blue blurts out that he can beat me in chugging.  What the hell?  We got Huens in on it, and this is how it went down Cohen > me > Huens.  Mr. Stumbles is now a real man.

You know what a fucking sick phrase is, even though old?  "Off the chain."  I'm going to start using it like no other.  SHIT YO that party was OFF THE CHAIN.  Or the Michael Jackson trial was OFF THE CHAIN.  Or fifis are OFF THE CHAIN.

Jake and Joel used to be roommates as well.  I remember Joel would take pictures of rocks and try and sell them on eBay.  The first story I heard about Jake was when he walked into Cohen's room and started talking about how cool his watch was and if Cohen agreed.  Then it was love from there.  Fuck it, here's the first update I made from college.  Shit how times have changed.

May 15, 2005

A bunch of us are playing Flip Cup and Stricker is the anchor for our team.  When it gets to him (we're winning, of course) he dumps the beer on the ground and just walks away.  What the hell?  Who does that?

Here is our old room in the Sleaze and the girl who lives there now.  HOT.  I wonder who lived there last year.

Oh my; where to being here...

These two used to date, hit it, see each other, whatever you wanna call it, back in sophomore year.  Christine was being hollered at by Graham (pictured below) and Stricker interjects himself between the two, puts his arm around Christine and says, "Hey we need to catch up.  Over there."

Naturally, the two were not too pleased with our interruption.  Fuck this wasn't as funny written out as it was when I lived it.

How the fuck did this start?  Surprisingly Stricker held his own and they both got awful rug burns.  And Stricker was complaining about his ass hurting all night and the next day.  What did Huens do???

End of night.

What the hell?  This stupid motherfucker is blocking three parking spaces.  Is it so inconvenient to turn the steering wheel to get into spaces nowadays?  And then when I came out I see that now he is blocking me, making no attempt to move.  So I do what anybody would do.  Dump the clutch and stop short of hitting his car.  Then he moved.  And honked at me.  People like that need to die of AIDS, but within a shorter span of time.

k explain this to me.  Logan was wearing a pink polo, and he is a frat boy, but THE COLLAR WASN'T POPPED UP!  Unnatural acts like that offset the tilt of the Earth's rotation axis, so I helped out the natural world.  We all need to do our parts.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

It's my birthday, so I thought I'd treat most of my housemates out to dinner.  Why is it that some people take others out to dinner on birthdays, while others expect to be taken out?  People in the latter group never have to pay on birthdays!  So I have cleverly found a way out of that.  I just don't pay for people on their birthdays.  That's how I roll.  Shysty.  That would make a great t-shirt line.

Gainza remembered that I hate cake and wanted a birthday pizza, so here is her Hot Pocket Pizza to me.

What do you think is more rude: Not drinking with me for my birthday or me saying, "I hope you get AIDS and die."

Lighting the fence on fire?  Not so good.  But having to take the fire extinguisher out and playing with it?  Very good.

Since nobody else was drinking, I liberally poured beer over these snails so I could have drinking buddies.

Kevin said he'd eat a tiny ass snail if he could cook it in butter and garlic for $25.

But that last $5 just wouldn't materialize so Huens stepped up and ate it.  And chewed it.  That was so foul my brain shut down temporarily.

In Soviet Russia, cowboy hat will send you to Siberian work camp.  Mother Russia crushes insurgent John Wayne wannabes with her iron fist.

Yeah I won't lie my birthday wasn't so fun.  Oh well, they can't all be winners.  I hope I die on a birthday.  That would be neat.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

It's Mike Pal's 12:01.  You probably would not want a figure with this facial expression approaching you somewhere dark for cigarettes.  Those situations never turn out great.  Which is why you'll never see it on Sesame Street.

They rode bikes to Denny's.  They stole this plaque.  End of story.

Yeah no they're going to jail.

End of night.

Some little girl drives this.  That makes me laugh.  And makes me extremely jealous at the same time.  This shit is so hot FUCK.  And don't be all, "Ay, mai boi drives H2 wit TVs and shit yo, LOLOLOL!"  H2s are gay.  Anyway, this shit has a big ass TV up front and a mic.  Is she singing karaoke while driving?  That's hot.

I'm sitting at my computer leisurely relaxing and watching some porno when I hear Huens scream, "Ferrets!  Ferrets!"  I love ferrets.  So I run out to see two baby coons with a mama coon, and they were all screeching at us.  One of the baby coons liked me and kept wanting to chill, but the moms was like yeah no.  That would've been off the chain.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Senior Pub Crawl: 9:11 train to Palo Alto, F&A's, Gordon Biersch, Blue Chalk and Old Pro's.  Wait a minute... none of these assholes are seniors.

The phrase was, "Wal*Mart has low low prices."  I remembered it; did you Steve-O?

Here's our car.  I feel sorry for whoever was on the train just trying to get home from a long day's work.  Is it legal to drink on a train?  The conductors never say anything, but technically I wonder if we are dabbling in illegalities.

Look how red this motherfucker gets.  Is he half Asian?  I saw this nig-nog's little brother running by my house and the dude is fucking huge.

Popped collars, pooka shell necklaces, shirt tucked in front to show off the huge belt buckle and the "tussled" hair that takes a painstaking 20 minutes to perfect with $50 product = greatness.  YEAH NO.  I hate you homos that do this.

We are classy here in SC.  A big plastic bag full of wine.  Remember Hanley?  The only thing I can remember him offering me was some of his Blush Franzia wine.  I guess even he couldn't choke that shit down.  I bet it's no worse than pruno.

My nose has been running all day and I want to die.

To the girl on the left I said, "Hey yo, Juliette Lewis, Pal wants to take a picture with you."  And then she's got all sorts of salty.  "Who the fuck is Juliette Lewis!?"  DAMN she played a mentally retarded girl in one film, but in most others she is normal.  DAMN.

And I am fairly certain the girl on the right had a roommate freshman year that taped all sorts of porn to the ceiling.  I remember hearing about it through the grapevine, and when I actually saw it, it was great, great times.

Bric ran into all sorts of misfortune earlier today.  Pun intended.  Hopefully things will turn out in his favor.

OK I've always thought that Ali looks like Natalie Portman.  But everyone else is like WTF are you on crack?  What do you think?  Do I think so because I think a lot of you crackers look alike?

As I was walking into Blue Chalk some dude was dragging his novelty midget in.  Here's the novelty midget dancing on the bar.  DANCE MIDGET, DANCE!

In my Screen Writing class all these stupid fucks don't come prepared and it fucking angers me to no end.  Over half the class made some retarded excuse and didn't bring their screenplays in on time.  Does this happen at top rate schools like Hahhhvahhhhhd, Yale or Princeton?

Here's Joel Seaton aka Anakin Skywalker giving the sinister look that Anakin had with the yellow eyes in Episode III.

Massive weight loss in a short period of time can only be attributed to an unhealthy cocaine addiction.

You like Gobstoppers?  The hard kind in the yellow box, not that chewy shit.  My local Safeway doesn't carry them, nor do the 7-11s.  What the fuck.  Gobstoppers > any other candy.

Speaking of Gobstoppers, the green is the best.  And mixed with purple, it is a facegasm x239483084^9239048.  That is a pretty massive number.  I was able to calculate it in my head, but you will probably need a computer or a nice calculator.  Just kidding.  Despite being AZN, I suck the cock at math.  I can handle algebra and statistics, but anything more than that and I recede into the shell that I bring along for occasions like that.

SHIT the German baroness is hot.

I've been watching the Food Network a lot and that channel is fucking off the chain.  I love Rachel Ray and Iron Chef.  I hate that motherfucker who does Food 911.  Every other word out of that nig-nog's mouth is "right?" or "man."  He needs to die.

And Iron Chef... how much editing do you think they do?  They see the secret ingredient, and they start grabbing shit and start cooking.  I could understand if they are working solo, but how do the sous chefs know what to make?  You don't ever see them discussing what kind of food to make.

The Game is probably the ugliest rapper of all time.

"Mein opa fliegt fur die Luftwaffe."

HAHAHA I just noticed that Petersen is staring at Erin's bewbies.

This was right after Boat House ate shit (aka Sara Browning) while trying to carry me on her back.  I guess I'm heavier than she thought.

There is a hilarious story about Boat Basin that I'm sure she would like all of you out there in Entirenet land to know.

I think the Princess loves it.

Recently people have been telling me I dress like I'm from So Cal.  Fuck that shit.  Everyone wears shorts and a t-shirt.  And black socks.  Yeah no.

End of night.

BT shows up in this fine piece of machinery.  I fucking love RVs; they are the greatest thing EVAR.  Except maybe tour buses.  Those are pretty fucking off the chain.  Anyway, I wanted to roll in it so we went to Safeway.

Safeway has the greatest deal on beer.  $13.99 for a 30 pack.  That's like $3 cheaper than even Price Club.  That shit's hot.  Limit 3 per person though.  We were parked at the far end of the parking lot, and when I got to a certain point, that yellow thing popped out from the front wheel area, making sure that my vagrant ass would not be stealing the shopping cart.  At least let me get to the fucking RV.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Fuck you Linux fags, it's all about FreeBSD.  We started talking about that movie Hackers, and it was good times because it reminded me of 8th grade with Dino and Matt Johnson.  How shitty would the world be if it weren't for Zero Cool (Crash Override), Lord Nikon, Acid Burn, Cereal Killer and Phantom Phreak HACKING THE PLANET?

I told the German baroness that Alex thought she was hot, and Alex got all flustered and I was told that two drops of pee came out.  Alex likes computers; he cannot handle social interaction with girls unless it is over the Entirenet.  "Helo thar, do you have any nekkid pics?  Butt sechs?  LOLOLOLOL"

FUCK FUCK FUCK.  I cannot believe a white guy did not win American Idol 4.  Think about it- white girl, black guy, black girl, ?.  I guess a white guy winning would be too predictable.  Damn you American Idol.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Have you ever played Mexicality?  It's a pretty fucking good dice game.  But only when Chris doesn't cheat.

Hey!  I went to St. Mary's in Tokyo too!

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Senior Ball in Monterey.  So I'm cruising, head banging to some Black Sabbath, when I happen to look back at my back seat... and realize that my stupid fuck ass had forgotten my suit.  FUCK SHIT CUNT N*****!!!!!!  I was basically in Monterey and had to drive back.  The amount of cursing that occurred on the drive back home did not even begin to describe my rage.  Then I got home, sat down for a while and contemplated just staying home, flying myself there, or just drive.  I chose the last option, and had a great time.

Here are my two roommates along with T. Huens.  I had advised Mer to bring a sleeping bag so the bathtub wouldn't be too uncomfortable, yet she did not heed my sage like advice.

Here is my lovely date Jen.  She cleaned up well.  But due to extenuating circumstances, I did not see much of her.

It was not until I had taken down half a fifth of Johnnie Walker Green Label that I was no longer saturnine from my ordeal.

Who is that noble creature rocking pinstripes and the full Windsor?

Drinking liquor out of a bucket with a turkey baster isn't all that appealing to me.

Mer says, "Cozy- we pregame harder than you party."

I don't like how Lindsay just assumed I didn't have a date and came by myself.  That would be the sadness.

Mer was nipping out to all hell and I had to point that out to everybody.

Look at these two hot, hot bitches.  That's hot, and birds of a feather flock together.

I was quite surprised at the turn out.  All sorts of people came, and that is good times.

Details are still sketchy, but it appears I am a terrible date.  I lost track of Gainza, so I am fairly certain that I danced with Stokes the whole night, including the last slow dance, lionizing her and not my date.  SHIT that's fucked up.

What are you two doing here?  You're not seniors.

Here's a picture of room 2204.  What good looking motherfuckers these four are.

I hope my titty grabbing was not too out of control.

Here's our table.  Why did we sit with Joel and his two bitches?

And can they please have good food at one these social functions for once?

Freshman year in high school: remember when Pepa ate all the butter balls on the table?  That shit is funny on so many levels.  OMG.

HAHA you can still see Mer nipping out.  That's hot.

Corona is one of the few beers that I refuse to drink.  Even if someone gave me a case for free, I wouldn't drink it.  That shit give me all sorts of headaches.

OK a continuation of why I am a bad date.  Gainza got up to get a drink, and when she came back, I was gone, nowhere to be found.  And we only saw each other one time after that, when I had "the most 'OMG I'm in trouble'" face on, and Jen refused to talk to me.  I wonder if this was before or after Jamie bitched me out about being a terrible date and was dropping cuss words like a fucking sailor.

Trying my best to be a gadabout, I met these two Irish guys.  I won't lie, I forget their names and even if they go to SC, but I do remember that they hate England.

I don't have a roommate, so I enjoy pillow talk whenever the opportunity presents itself.  I guess Huens and I went on and on about bullshit, further fueling Mer and Jen's inferno-like rage until 4:45am.  Haha we are so awesome even Ashton Kutcher bows down to us.

I wonder if they got a free room or had to pay for one.  That would be ghetto as shit if they had to work an event and have to pay for the hotel room as well.

Last caption.

Harvey, you hot, hot, hot little girl.

Apparently Jessica Simpson thinks so too.  That's hot.

I wonder how many times I puked.  I remember twice, but it was most likely more because I went fucking huge.

Does anyone know who these guys are?  I'd like to hang with them again.

Since the bar only took cash, my boy right here bought me all my drinks.  What a good guy.

If Tobin had the Jersey accent, she would be like 1000x hotter.  Now that I think about it, I wonder why people I know don't have their local accents.  Only foreigners.

"A guy handed me a picture and said, 'Take a look at this photo of me when I was younger.'  Shit, every picture is a photo of you when you're younger." - Mitch Hedberg

Can't argue with that.

Marshall and Catie's musings: If you see a guy and your dick gets hard, chances are you're gay.

I am loving those highlights you wellborn organism.

Do you like tuxes or suits?  I am a suit man, and thankfully it was not a faux pas to wear a suit to this event, unlike high school proms.

Lindsay says I need more confidence.

I had enough confidence this night.  In the form of Johnnie Walker and Bud Light.

Jen was the angriest I have ever seen her, and at the time, I didn't understand why she was so upset.  So of course, I asked, and she hit me and yelled, "What the hell!"

It's 6:40pm and I am still feeling like absolute anus.  And Varni and I have to do a project due tomorrow that we haven't started yet.  My name is Yasuhisa Chiba, XIV, and I love my life.

May 30, 2005

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