A Perfect Match

So Mr. Burkholder has left us to go to the fine country of Sweden. I'd really like to go to Sweden or anywhere in Europe (except Eastern Europe) because I need to meet Prince William and the A*Teens. Meeting Prince William would be a once in a lifetime event, you'd need to get a custom made pinstripe suit for that. Most definitely.


You may remember the first picture of Jenna on The House was when she was shying away from the camera, saying she was writing a paper. Here she is again shying away from the lens.

Me and the Ms. J. I of course drinking/holding the Bud Light. You cannot go wrong with that.

Ah it's Mr. Lee. Imagine my surprise when I was perusing a website and I stumbled upon another picture of Mr. Lee. The fine people over at Drizunk.com say this is at SC, and I think I know where this took place, but WHERE THE FUCK WAS I? Anyway, back to Mr. Lee. He is quite famous I imagine. The bartender gave him a two shot of the Jack and he didn't want it so he gave to the great one, me.

Burkholder and I kept playing this dude at pool at C&J's. Guess who won? Us. Menlo Park pride bitches.

I was rolling in my 20 03 Escalade, Cadillac, with the diamond in the back, when I spotted with my 20/15 vision a herd of fire trucks and po-lice officers driving down the El Camino. It could've been a parade, but you know what they say- you gotta be wary of fire trucks and parades.

Crazy Jason's house on his patio- a nice drinking spot. Here he is drinking Carlo Rossi, Paisano. This "high quality" wine was around $8 with the California 8.25% tax. Was it worth it?

See, if you drank maybe once or twice a month like this here Mista Ted, wouldn't you drink some fine booze, like Bud Light? Or if you really want to be a pimp, Guinness? Here he is enjoying Carlo Rossi. At least it's in a jug and not a box. You know you've hit rock bottom when you're drinking wine out of a box.

First time for the Dr. shotgunning a 24 ouncer.

See, in some company, you're allowed to make retarded faces. I for one take advantage of that privledge far too often.

Here is Sir Wellington. The bird, not the dude. Remember when Jake Calvani (are you at UNLV I hope you are) was going to legally change his name to Colonel Beef Wellington? Well that was the source of inspiration for the bird's nomenclature.

Sir Wellington likes to shit a lot. So Jason has a "shit shirt" which he always wears when flossing Sir Wellington, which turns out to be most of the day. Needless to say, it is covered in shit.

And you own this movie because???

Ted you photogenic fuck I've been getting some good pictures of you lately. Ladies, he is available. But do not make him excited, or you may have to face the malodorous stench. You might remember this from the walk.

If you know me chances are I've jumped on your back. This picture is priceless like the MasterCard commercials because of Emmett's facial expression. He is resignedly saying, "What did I do to deserve this?"

This made me laugh when I saw the picture because I don't remember this. Apparently he sat down and I came with him. Look, there's Marbles the Cat too. Do any of you remember when I jumped on Colleen's back and she just crumbled?

What a nice shot.

Burkholder's last night in the great USA. The fool decided to go to Sweden on the 8th or something. This night was the 15th. That shit is a week. Well Mr. Burkholder have fun in Sweden, you will be missed. Please try not to bring home any souvenirs.

Burkholder and I had been talking about driving to LA for quite some time. It was going to be a day trip- leave at 7am, eat lunch at Burkholder's uncle's restaurant (Partners Bistro), eat dinner at my uncle's restaurant (Sushi Tenn) and then go to a taping of The Jimmy Kimmel Live show.

Burkholder kept on pushing the date back further and further until Emmett and I made a pact that if Burkholder and I didn't go in the next two weeks, I'd slap him. And that is exactly what happened.

See you need to powder your hand real well so on the slap, your hand smoothly moves across the face. In some situations, your hand may catch on the face, dislocating your shoulder.

Here we go.

Done and done. Notice the powder on Burkholder's face.

A slap shouldn't cause too much physical pain for it is intended to cause emotional trauma. But we're still buddies. Have fun in Sweden I will most likely be following you shortly.

"We didn't have any cups so I brought some bowls and Budweiser." Haha fucking ridiculous.

These kids are on an exchange program from Japan at Stanford. Here we are having a chugging contest. I of course demolished the competition. Would you like to chug with me? I hear Mr. Jeff Larson is fast, I'll be chugging with him shortly and will let you know the outcome.

This is Nobu. We call him #1. The last time I saw him I got really drunk and invented a game called #1, where everyone arm wrestles, and whoever wins the tournament is #1. #1 drinks as much as he can, and #2 has to outdrink him. And #3 has to outdrink #2, and so on. Isn't it a grand game?

What kind of creature is that bathing in Jason's little fountain? Yes, it's a hummingbird. With my National Geographic photographic skills, I was able to capture this amazing event. You rarely see these birds land, but this one is bathing! Remember when my parents told me hummingbirds were poisonous? I swear, my parents are afraid of them. Whenever they see one they run inside.

Tom Brownlee had a party and it was literally the most random gathering of people I've ever been with. Here's me with Dave and Roger. You may remember Dave as the man with the million dollar smile on a previous installment.

So here's me, Sachs and Liz. Last winter break Benny Wang calls me up to buy him beer. What!? Benny drinks? Nope. It was for this man right here, Peter Sachs. Benny sent him a 12 pack of Corona as a Christmas present. What a nice man.

Holy shit. Who'd a thunk the 06 minus Mezz would be back together, drinking nonetheless.

And of course, we have to take the gay pic. What happened to the original gay pic? Do you have it Briggs?

Yeah... see what I mean about random? Me and Juelsgaard, a dude I never hung out with in high school because he was too good at soccer and it intimidated me.

Me with Tom and his ridiculous friend Sally from England.

Why is Briggs trying to act tough?

I don't know how this happened but Ceara and I rated each other out of a 100.

This was what I got. At first, I was offended because I thought this was out of 10 like HotOrNot.com. A 4.5 there is very low. But then she informed me it was out of 100. So I assume that the lower the number is, the better. I mean, I hope so.

Remember when Bryan put that Energizer Bunny virus on the compooters at school and we all had to run laps? Yeah, that was ridiculous.

A blurry picture, but a fine one.

Some kid was talking shit about shotgunning, so we put it to the test. And yes, that is Peter Pan in the background.

Here's a bunch of us shotgunning. Of course, the Dr. won.

The man, the myth, the legend. Chris Loughran.

Me and this English dude were chopping it up for a while bullshittin' about England and pubs. Great guy.

I woke up in a bathroom at 8 am. Confused, I stumbled out of the house and drove home where I knew everything was right. Good times. Update- Apparently I went upstairs and passed out on the bathroom floor. Briggs and Tom found me a little later and brought me downstairs to a nice couch. For some odd reason, I came back upstairs and passed out on the cold bathroom floor. What the fuck was I thinking? And damn I felt like shit the whole day I think someone put ruffies in my drink.



August 19, 2003

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